MadChick35

Lost Somewhere In My Own Dreamland
2002-12-26 00:39:24 (UTC)

ignored.

Song: "Walking after you" - Foo Fighters

I'M SO FUCKING IGNORED.

i'm sitting at the dinner table, TRYING my hardest to have
a fucking conversation, and when i say something...i'm
ignored. i'm not even there to them. i'm screaming in my
head over and over so LOUD; i'm surprised they can't hear
me. i'm screaming at myself saying that no one cares about
me, and shit...because thats what i feel. i'm used to
attention, because my mom babied me, but hell if i get any
now. everything is all about scott and his parents every
time i'm here. me and mom haven't spent ANY time together.

i feel so lonely even though i know i'm not. i'm just a
confused wreck. everyone's trying to get me to move
back...but hell if i want to. i do, but not right now. no
one tells me anything at all...the grandparents dont even
acknowledge that i am HERE. they FUCKING ignore me!!

this morning when we were opening the gifts i felt like an
outcast. its not that fact that i didn't get a lot, it was
the fact that no one was talking to me or asking me how i
was or wishing me a merry christmas. i felt so lonely, and
i cried. i cry too much...i'm just a sad fucking freak.

i just wanna be alone right now; ponder off into weird
worlds like...a utopian society. with flowers mysterious
to us, lush green grass like when you step on it it feels
like a sponge. and you can lay in the grass at night time
and just look up at the dark sapphire sky and see all the
little stars...and if you think about it, there are
billions of stars out there in the universe, and there are
billions of people in the world...each one of us could be
a star. where you find your first love is your true love
so you dont have to search. where the mountains reached
high peaks and poked through the clouds. beautiful
waterfalls...oh i love waterfalls...and we would have
aesthetic paints by artist like da vinci and
michealangelo. i just want to muse and i am confused...two
different moods...i'm pissed and mellow.

~Maddie




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