crazy?

through space and time
2001-09-03 01:01:34 (UTC)

about me....just so ya know

im 16. a lot of people think that im crazy, im not sure if
i am or not. ive been locked up in an asylum/institution. i
was there for about a month. i went in because i had been
cutting myself. id sit in my room with my deftones blaring
and rock back and forth and cut. id cut all over my body. i
hurt so bad that i needed the cuts to feel alive. i couldnt
tell weather or not i was dead or if i was dreaming or
what. i had no sense of mind. everything was a big blur for
me. lately i have been feeling like i did when i had been
cutting myself. but i dont cut anymore. its too addictive
and if i didnt stop when i did i would be burried
somewhere. anyway, i had this boyfriend kyle. id been going
out with him for about 3 years. and i loved him more than
life itself. but i tend to push people away when they get
too close. i dont mean to do it. i just go psycho on them,
subconsciencly. anyway its been about 5 months since we
split. and he wants nothing to do with me, at least thats
what i hear.i cry myself to sleep thinking about how he
used to hold me when i went crazy. and he made everything
ok. he was the only reason that i stopped cutting. i didnt
want to hurt him. but in the end i guess i did. it was like
that NIN song hurt. it was like my life story. ive had a
really shitty weakend ...i got busted. i was drinking and
smoking with my friend alex. and her mom came home. im
tired....ill talk about it tomarrow