The Journal of Greg Rodriguez
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2001-09-02 23:21:17 (UTC)

September 2, 2001 7:10 PM

Dear Journal,

I had something of a breakdown last night. I talked to
mom, who seems to be hanging onto this life by a thread.
It's so bad. Apparently, they have all these tubes and shit
going through her, and she has to go through all this for
at least another couple of weeks. She sounded so despondant
on the phone; I had been trying to get ahold of her this
week, and she told me that she didn't even feel like
answering the phone. Her spirits are at an all-time low. I
wish I could be there with her. Lord knows she needs me,
and I would be doing alot more good in fucking North Dakota
than here right now. And then there's Ashley, who I haven't
spoken to since she left New York. I worry about her, since
she's with Uncle Bill and all.

Don't get me wrong; most of me believes that he's
completely fine and decent nowadays. But there's that
nagging part of me that thinks that he's doing bad shit to
my baby girl. Hopefully that's not the case. Lord knows our
family is fucked up enough without it spilling over to the
next generation.

And things are still pretty much the same here. I spent
the weekend in the room, writing angsty poetry. I always
told myself I would never become one of those writers who
has to write that shit in order to feel better. But lords
knows these days I need all the hope I can get. I called
dad last night, and he told me to just ride it out, like he
always does. Usually he's right, but not now. I'm almost
positive that this year will mirror the last exactly. I
keep hope alive, though. I keep thinking that maybe it's ME
who needs to take the first step, instead of thinking that
I'm going to make friends by sitting in front of the TV
(which incidently, attracts some people in my hall. Go

Once the work comes rolling in, I'll have something to
keep me busy and constructive, which is good. And in
another two weeks, I get to go home for a weekend. The crew
plans to take Lilla and I out to this bar for our
birthdays. Kristen talked about getting ID's in the Village
too, which is cool, since I've been meaning to get one for
the longest time. So that's about it. I'll write again soon.


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