cilly

The Magical Toilet Paper Diary
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2002-12-25 10:29:51 (UTC)

Friendship

What the fuck is friendship?

I was so happy before. I wish i could go back. I dont know
how ive changed...

i use to wish to go back in time, blame my friends for
changing and sll this shit. But now, I feel like I AM THE
ONE SCREWING UP!

Before i used to be so opstimistic, thinkin only happy and
crazy thoughts... now, I only think back and feel sad.

I feel none of my friends really care about me. I guess
becuase im changing... Im always sad about how they dont
treat me as their favorites anymore. I used to be
everyone's best friend and that made me sooooo happy. And
now, Ive changed somehow to make people not like me as much.

I get made so much easier. I dunno, maybe it's puberty...
but still. Im so screwed up. I dont feel as close to any of
my friends. I feel like Ive never been able to share that
part of me to anyone, becuz they wont share their secrets
with me. But now, that i think about it, maybe i need to
take the action and be the first to share my secrets and
feeling.

Andi, my best friend, and now that i think of everything
shes done for me, she is my best friend. She always with
me. No matter what. No matter if everyone goes ahead, she
stays back with me. Like at school. Shes always able to
find me. And that makes me happier than anything. To have a
friend like her. But lately, i havent been able to be as
open with her, and now that i think of it, i will be open
with her. I wasnt lately because she accused me of saying
her love to me meant nothing, I guess that is also another
reason why i changed.

O, im so confused. I sometimes wish the world would shut
the hell up... everything would just go the way i want in
the snap of a finger...

but things dont happen like that on our planet... nothing
ever seems to work


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