Connilee's Life Journal
2002-12-25 05:12:24 (UTC)

A couple things have been stirring up in my mind.

i am important.
I mean something to this world.
I will have acomplishments.
I will have a goal. I will not be normal.
I will strive to be better.
Someone will love me
Someone will know I am special.
Someone will notice my existance.
I am not just a good fuck.
I am lovable.
I am capable.
I can be something, I will be someone. Important.

My insecurities will get head bunted.
Someone will appreciate me.
Someone out there thinks watching TV with me is everything.
I will find someone that loves me
that appreciates me
that cares about me... more than sex, and superficial
accomplishments un-accomplishments...
who doesnt care about my grammer and tits.

Fuck my tits and my looks.

Someone will notice my unconditional love for my dog.
Someone will notice my well being.
Someone will worry if I am sick. And not give me an excuse
why they didnt call.
Someone will see my emotional layers.
Someone will love me.

If anything, someone will realize I am apart of this Earth.

Someone will tell me " i love you "... and mean it
Someone will wake up to my face, and cant believe i am with
Someone will supposrt me and cheer me on.
They wont look at my past and see what i have not accomplished
But someone will see what I grown out of, and see what Ive
delt with, and be with me in the future, and love me none
the less.

My inscured shoulders have drooped.
My spirit has tried to lift them up.
My eyes struggle to not tear
My throat is challenged by speaking and thinking

It feels like shit tognight. But ill stomach it, hold it in,
strenghten my eyes, and pretend that im confident... pretend
that im strong... until my body gives up.. and then im done
(maybe ill be noticed- at least for a month- A month of
being loved)

Happy Holidays- Ill be around