starry nite

my own world
2002-12-24 04:01:00 (UTC)


im not doing well right now. im really stressed and i dont
know where to turn. ive been trying hard lately to do extra
nice things for people i care about, so if i end up dying
soon i at least was there for them when i could be. i went
to my little cousins basketball game tonite. i spent a lot
of time w/my great grandma today b/c her sister just died.
i wrote my mom a note telling how much she meant to me and
how grateful i was even though i dont always show it. i
wrote my friend tara a note as well telling her how
greatful i was we were friends, and called her on the phone
as well to tell her some of the same things. for xmas i am
going to take her out for dinner, not xmas day but sometime
soon. i want to die. i dont want to feel all this pain
anymore. i couldnt do anything before xmas, i dont want to
ruin things for anyone. i want to be strong. i want for
things to be better for me, not to give up. i dont know how
to stay strong right now. its hard.i feel unloved and
insignificant. i know im not unloved completely but by most
i am, and am nothing. i need to be held, need to feel like
im somthing. how do i do that? i need something. need to
feel like someone is out there for me.