Lizzerbeans
Life is like a bowl of Cherries
http://www.clapa.com
Tonight I feel, I dunno, blah. I'm kind of having some low self
esteem. Hmm... let me elaborate..Okay this is really dumb, but we
threw a surprise party for my best friend today, and taht went great,
it was so cool... she didn't know anything and didn't expect anything.
But we took this video of people saying happy birthday and stuff like
that to her.. and I'm on the video a lot which is fine, i dont
mind being on camera, in fact, i rather enjoy it but.. when we watched it over.. it made me upset. Sure, I mean, it
was fun, all for Shelli! but.. i dunno
I dont like the way i look.. and i look different to
myself, which bothers me because i dont know how other
people see me. And I guess its not important, i'm don't
usually care how people look at me..
...but...
my face..
Geez. see, i was born with a birth defect, (I'[ve probably
told you this before) and my face is asymetrical.. and i
guess i notice it more on camera
It usually doesnt bother me, because im cool on the inside,
i guess.. but.... i guess sometimes i feel like what kind of
guy is gonna like a girl who looks like me?
I know.. i don't want a guy who is going to like me for my face anyway..
i know i know i know i know I KNOW. . any guy
worthy would like me for being Liz, and not because of my
looks (which is obvious), but where is that guy now?
On the flip side, i feel.. like.. geez, i'm only sixteen, I
wanna live. I don't want small relationships. I want to
wait, and save all the cool fun romance experiences and
feelings for someone super special..... and yeah, partly
i've screwed that up big time, but .. partly theres stills
o much i can save.
I guess I feel like, i want it now or not at all.. because
I'm tired of waiting, not knowing what to do next. I'm tired
of thinking something might happen, and then it falls apart,
for superficial reasons, that do nothing but feed my
insecurities.
But then again, I'm ONLY 16!! I've got so much time for all that.. I dont know.
I'm ambivalent.
Liz
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