FA2ANGEL

FA2ANGEL
2002-12-23 03:09:13 (UTC)

Just because you said that you loved me Doesnt mean you tried Doesnt mean you cried....

Wow. What a fuckin day. Woke up, exchanged xmas presents
with people...that was nice. 50 dolla certificate to Newbury
Comics, cant lose there man. Not to mention Ive got a list
fo about 55 CDs I want to purchase so now Ill be down to
like 50. Saw Nick and Hannah, hung out with them for a
fuckin long time actually, ordered chicken fingers n a
choclate shake from Applebees, wnt back listened to
music, Yea yea..

Talked to Leslie today. Got out in the open how Ive been
feeling a litlte more and why I havent been hanging out with
he and George. Enough said there... I felt like a fuckin ass
and a half and I couldnt even open the present they got for
me when she told me the bad news.. Mike died Friday night of
an overdose. Those words keep ringing in my head. I'm trying
like hell to be happy, but damn. I cant imagine how much
Spence is going to grow up differently now.He's only 12
years old man and he has to go Tuesday, the day before
Christmas, and see his father lying in a casket. Talk about
a fuckin heart break man. It's too bad. Mike was such a
happy guy...druggie maybe..but respectable in more ways than
some. It always happens to the good ones, not the ones who
are idiots or rude or cruel or who steal, but to the ones
who have hearts. Mike woulda given you his last ten bucks if
he knew it would put milk and cereal on the table for the
kids. He was the type of guy who'd be there for you even if
the shit in his life goin on was twice as bad. No one will
even speak up and say what he took. How many more people
will have to die before you realize you need to get your
fuckin shit together and quit with the drugs. How many
children have to lose fathers, how many more sisters have to
lose their brothers, how many heart filled people have to
lose their lovers, how many more friends hearts need to be
broken before you wake the fuck up? "It wouldnt happen to
me, Im smart about it"-Mike ...Early Saturday morning,
pronounced dead form an overdose at 4:20 AM... the time isnt
funny. Wake the fuck up! If you cant quit for you, at least
have enough respect to stop for the people who care about
you. God damn Im gonna miss his jokes.
Last time I saw him he was sitting on the sofa in Leslie's
room and me, leslie, george, and spence and his little buddy
were all gathered around the TV watching American History X.
Laughin away, never knowing this would come. So many hearts
broken. My mind is a blur right now. It's hard to think
straight. I cant even really believe this happened. It
doesnt seem real. It's going to be shocking seeing his body
Tuesday. I dont think it'll hit me til then.
Got me thinking about a lot listening to Leslie talk about
how it made her felt. How angry she was and how strong she
was holding back those tears that I woulda let run down my
cheeks if it were my brother. So much respect sent out to
her. She had no idea she wouldnt be seeing him again when he
left late Friday night. Just like Nick had no idea that when
he ditched giving Mike a ride Wednesday and Thursday that he
wouldnt ever get a chance to give him one again. He offered
too. Dont say youre going to do something if you're not
going to do it. Even if you have an excuse, it all fuckin
boils down to one thing...either you do it or it doesnt
fuckin get done..its one or the other. Keep your word from
now on and always let people hold no doubt in their mind
about how you feel for them. You just might wake up one day
and not be able to ever let them truly know. I hear that in
movies all the time. I never realized how true it was until
today.

So many hearts broken.




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