SingerJoe

Teenage Angst becoming Adulthood Angst
2001-09-02 00:36:43 (UTC)

Why must I be a typical teen?

I went and got my hair cut today. Nothing special, although
I've considered spiking it. Hmm... Maybe I'll try that
tomorrow.

Man, I don't have a lot to write about. I wanted to write
last night, because my parents REALLY pissed me off, but
looking back on it I was being really irrational.

I try to tell myself that I'm not a typical teenager. I try
not to follow the crowd just because I want to look cool,
but here I am, sitting here typing wearing an Old Navy
ribbed sweater and Old Navy painters jeans. I try to not
hate my parents simply for being my parents, but last night
I was furious at them for doing something that they had
every right to do. I try to have my own taste in music that
isn't influenced by the in-crowd, but I still catch myself
watching MTV every now and then.

This wasn't supposed to happen! What happened to that sense
of independence I was supposed to have! I'm so judgmental
towards other teenagers, thinking of them as mindless
drones who value their own popularity over all else. But I
never see myself doing anything that's so different and
independent. I wear trendy clothes, listen to trendy music,
and watch trendy movies and TV shows. I am, in all reality,
just another mindless drone.

Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. No, that's not it.
Maybe I'm being too hard on other teenagers. Maybe there
really isn't anything wrong with being incredibly similar.
Maybe when we're so similar in most respects, it makes what
differences we do have stand out that much more.

*sigh*

I'll probably never really know the answers. I'm going to
grow up, get into the real world, and still be as clueless
as I am now as to why I act the way I do.