Str8 Girl, Interrupted

Memories of Gramma G.

Okay…so what’s been on my mind? Well…a lot of things.
Like the fact, that I don’t have a job…STILL…my family…my
friends…and everything else, I suppose.

The job issue, I’m not gonna beat myself to death about.
My family. I really love them, especially my grandma.
She’s like 97 or something and she’s so strong-minded. She
still drives her car, does her own shopping and
everything. I love her so much, even though she’s
judgmental towards me beyond belief. She always implies
that I don’t have a man, because of my gay friends or cuz
of my weight or cuz I’m a lesbian. It’s frustrating, but I
know she’s set in her ways and is just saying what she
feels…even though it’s hurtful. I have so many fond
memories of her. I was practically raised by her. I was
over her house in Walbridge more than my own. She took
care of me, spoiled me and loved me more than my own
parents. I know this sounds really corny, but I was
downloading some tv theme songs from Napster and I thought
of “Empty Nest”. When the song finally downloaded…I almost
started crying. It took me right back to my gramma’s
living room on Saturday nights. We used to stay up till 11
(hey, that was late when you’re like ten) watching “Empty
Nest”, “Golden Girls” and “Nurses”. I remember exactly how
I felt when I heard the song…safe…like nothing could hurt
me, cuz I was at gramma’s. I would watch the shows with
her and I would always want to rub this really good lotion
on her legs…I used to say, “can I do your legs, gramma?”.
It makes me want to cry thinking about it. I love her and
I know my time is limited with her, but I get so annoyed
when I see her anymore, cuz I know she doesn’t approve of
my living situation or my friends…although…I think she’s
fond of Marc…she actually gave him money for Christmas and
she talks to him quite a lot. She’s the reason, I am the
person I am…cuz she loved me and taught me how to be
independent….not to be like my mother…to do better. I know
one day, I might actually live up to her expectations…and
make her proud. I’m just sad it won’t happen soon enough.
Okay so, now that I’m balling, I’m gonna change the subject.

So, me and Marc have been at Chris’ for like 5 days str8
now. I’m starting to miss my bed. So, I’m gonna go to
sleep now. G’nite all…