boydacious

Detox

I can't beleive I have let myself go this year. A year ago
at this time I thought I was so fat at 130. Now I wish I
were 130. I am fasting today and if I have to eat anything
it will only be a protein shake (170 calories with 1/2
milk). I am too embarrassed to even write what my weight
is now. The thing is that I was once 103 and although I
think that was too thin for my frame it was such a
memorable experience to be that thin. I look at my hips now
and I see these huge saddle-bags. They run in the family.
Thank God they aren't as bad as my sisters but if I were to
gain anymore weight it is sure to happen. I took about 10
laxatives last night and thought of buying Epicac but
managed to talk myself out of it. I can't just "naturally"
make myself throw up, not even with a toothbrush or any
other "proven" method. So, I shit my brains out and then
take sleeping pills so I sleep all day and not eat. I
REALLY should go work out but I don't want to be seen or
put on clothes because they will fit tighter than I want
and piss me off.