Jaded

Why Me?
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2001-09-01 16:17:36 (UTC)

The pain ... the pain!

Diary,

Well, last night was a bitch. It sucked ass! See, it
was the damned fair's fault! I swear on my life it was!
Because I'm way to fucking lazy to write out the entire
ordeal, I'll summerize it as such:
Lost the only keys we have to my house.
Had to accidentally break a window to get in my house
because the door was SUPPOSED to be locked, but it turned
out that it WASN'T!
The said broken window then fell on my eye and nose,
causing my nose to make a crunching noise (but it didn't
bleed) and my is black.
I ask myself 'why?'. Dammit, I'm STILL pissed off! I
don't know why in the hell my mom gave me the damned keys
anyway!!!
Sometimes I feel like it would just be better if I'd
never been born. Okay, diary, you win: I feel like that ALL
the time!! It'd probably be better if I just killed myself.
I think about that a lot. I figure I'd overdose on pills -
no reason to cut myself or blow my brains out. The bad
thing about that is it is the least reliable. I mean, yeah,
one OD's and might die - but not always. It's a pretty sure
thing that if you put a gun in your mouth and pull the
trigger, you're gone. Same thing with slashing your wrists.
Hanging yourself would be harder, I think. I can't tie
knots. Damn, that's so sad. I can't even KILL myself
right!!!! *sobs*
Man, it's times like this that I actually wish I was
religious - but I'm not and I'll never be. I can't take it.
There are too many things that don't make sense, too many
rules that are to be unbroken. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Oh well, what the hell. Right? What am I? Nothing.
I'm nothing. I'm nobody. I don't even exist. So, does it
even fucking matter if I DO kill myself? Does it? No...
Well, diary. I must be off. *sigh* Adieu, readers.
Adieu, my diary. Adieu...
-Eryn


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