bineri

GLASS OF TEARS
2001-09-01 15:59:46 (UTC)

A DAY BEFORE ANNIVERSARY

TODAY I'M FEELING KIND OF SHAKY MY HUSBAND IS WANTING TO BE
WITH ME BUT I JUST DONT WANT TO ANYMORE THERE IS NO REASON
WHAT SO EVER I JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE ,WHY IF HE DOESNT
WANT TO BE WITH ME WHY MUST HE PERSIST IN STAYING IN BEING
WITH ME I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND HOW CAN I TEAR TH ELOVE OF
MY LIFE AWAY FROM MY HEART I DONT KNOW HOW BUT I KNOW I'LL
ENDING UP JUST BEING GOOD FRIEND S WITH HIM.I DONT WANT TO
FIGHT ANY LONGER I JUST WANT T KEEP THE PEACE IF HE WANTS
TO GO HE IS FREE AS A BIRD BUT I KNOW HE WILL BE MINE FOR
ETERNITY EVEN THOUGH HE DOESNT BELIEVE IT.BUT I ALSO KNOW
THAT I CANT TIE HIM DOWN I KNOW THAT WHEN HE'S WITH ME HE
IS JUST TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL OK OR JUST TO SHUT ME UP BUT
I KNOW THE DAY OF HIS DEPARTING IS COMING SOON I CAN FEEL
IT IN MY VEINS.I HAVE MY BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN TO LOVE ME ITS
NOT THE SAME KIND OF LOVE BUT ITS MY CHILDRENS LOVE AND ITS
BETTER THAN ANYTHING.I'M SOORY THAT HE FEELS HE CAN BE WITH
ME AND TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH I ACCEPT EVERYTHINGI GET FOR
WHAT I DID BUT I DONT THINK I HAVE TO HUMILIATE MYSELF
ANYLONGER BEFORE HIM OR ANYONE ELSE HE KNOWS WHAT HE DID
WRONG AND SO DID I IF I HAD PUT A LITTLE BIT MORE EFFORT TO
MY MARRIAGE IT PROBABLY WOULD HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT AND THE
PEOPLE THAT REALLY KNOW ME HOW I TRULY AM KNOW THAT WHEN I
HAVE ENOUGH I MEAN IT IS IT THAT THINGS ARE GONNA END AND
THATS WHAT I'M TRYING TO DO I WANT TO CHANGE FOR MYSELF AND
MY KIDS I'VE BEEN FEELING EXTREMELY SAD BECAUSE TOMMORROW
IS MY FOUR YEAR ANNIVERSARY AND NOTHING WILL BE HAPPENING I
WISH SOMETHING MAGICAL WOULD HAPPEN BUT I HAVE TO FACE
REALITY NOTHING WILL.SO I'M PLANNING TO TAKE MYSELF OUT
TOMORROW AND JUST LOOK BACK AT EVERYTHING.I SHOULD MAKE IT
INTO THE LOOK BACK FOR THE LAST TIME AND MAT THE SAME TIME
KIND OF LOOK AT IT LIKE THE FIRST DAY OF A NEW
LIFE,,KNOWING THAT I WILL BE OKAY THAT MY LIFE IS OKAY BUT
NOT PERFECT EITHER ,KNOWING THAT I WILL MAKE MANY MORE
MISTAKES IN THE FUTURE BUT LIFE WILL TEACH ME SO FAR IN MY
25 YRS OF LIFE I HAVE LEARNED A LOT AND I PRAY GOD NEVER
TOLET ME MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES AGAIN.I'LL LET YOU KNOW IF
ANYTHING EXCITING HAPPENS TOMMORROW.IN THE END I KNOW HIS
FAMILY WILL BE RELIEF THAT WE GET SEPARATED FOR GOOD.WHAT I
NEVEVR TOLD ANYONE EVER,EVER,,,,IS THAT I ALWAYS TRIED
EXTREMLY HARD FOR HIS FAMILY TO AXCEPT BUT I GUESS I JUST
DIDNT KNOW HOW TO GO ABOUT IT I KNOW THEY HATE ME AND THAT
IS WHAT HURTS ME THE MOST I WOULD LOVE MORE THAN ANYTHING
TO HAVE GOTTEN ALONG WITH ELIANA TO GOTO HER EVERYTIME I
HAD SOMETHING TO EXPRESS MYSELF TO HER BUT I DONT KNOW I
FELT THAT SHE HATED ME BECAUSE I AHD TAKEN HER BABY BROTHER
AND AND GIVEN HIM SOO MUCH RESPONSABILITY BUT WHAT HAPPENED
HAPPENEDNOW HE IS FREE TO GO,I DONT HATE THEM I JUST
COULDNT I UNDERSTAND EVERYTHINGTHAT HAS HAPPENED HIS MOTHER
IS PROBABLY THE ONE THAT HATES ME THE MOST,I DONT BLAME HER
BUT THE DAY GERARDO GETS RID OF ME SHE'LL PROBABLY HAPPY I
HOPE HER NEXT DAUGHTER-N-LAW IS WORTHY OF BEING GERARDO'S
WIFE THAT SHE APPROVES BUT MOST IMPORTANT THAT SHE HAS NO
KIDS SO HE CAN ENJOY HIS LIFE WITH HIS WIFE.I'M GONNA MISS
EL GORDO BUT THEREIS NOTHING I CAN DO.I WISHED HIS FAMILY
HAD BEEN MORE ATTENTIVE WITH ME AND MY THREE CHILDREN I
WOULD AHD GIVEN MY LIFE FOR THEM AND I STILL WILL IF THEY
EVER NEED MY HELP.