MelissaAnn

somwhere in between what is real and jus
2001-09-01 15:08:27 (UTC)

Oh my god. I am so upset~

Why am I so fucking pissed off? I have no reasons to be! I
have the greatest boyfriend in the entire world, and there
is nothing more that I could ask for. But lat
night....God, what the hell... I hate Dave Tom and NAte.
They are so fucking stupid! Jake and I were at his house,
and everytime we'd get close to doing anything they would
come there. We were about to have sex, and someone opened
the door. I was so pissed. I actually started crying, cuz
ehy can't the stupid dumb fucks just leave us
alone?!?!?!?!!? Then when we did have sex....god....it
hurt so bad. It didn't hardly hurt at all the first time.
But this time....oh my god. I had to bite my lips to keep
from crying. To tell the truth, I didn't really want to
have sex. I did, but I didn't.......you know? But I just
kinda went along w/ it anyways. I just...I wanst horny! I
mean, I was, but after it started, and it hurt so badly, I
just...and then whoever came in....God! I don't know, my
body wasn't cooperating with me at all. I don't know why. I
think maybe it was that I was nervous and tense, and pissd
off, and tired. I didn't really feel all that good, either,
but....I odn't know. IT was good, anyway. Well, not really.
Jake was doing really good, but my body was NOT
coopersting. Oh my god....I don't know which is worse. That
I had sex when I wasn't 100 % I wanted to, or that I didn't
make him stop when it hurt, and I didn't really enjoy it. I
loved the closeness, and intimacy (the emotional stuff),
but...the climax and sexual...(the physical stuff) just
wasn't there. I don't know. I don't regret it, I just wish
it had been better. I will write more later. I better go
take my shower and get dressed, and all that fun stuff




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