i_bleed_life

The mediocrity that is me
2002-12-21 10:29:23 (UTC)

Forgetting how to love yourself.

I would like everyone around me to be completely and
utterly happy so I can be miserable by myself. I want
them all to be so wrapped up in their happiness that they
leave me alone, alone to be wrapped up in my self-involved
pointless depression. I don't want them to care. I don't
want them to notice that I'm unhappy. I just want them
all to leave me alone so I can die in peace.

I'm so tired. I'm so very tired of going on. I'm tired
of getting up every morning. I'm tired of putting in the
effort.

I want to give up. I can taste the metal barrel of the
gun in my mouth. I can feel my finger wrapped around the
trigger. I can hear the shot echo in the room; see the
blood spatter on the wall behind me, drip down, stain the
carpet.

I want to give up. So what the fuck am I doing still
sitting here? Why do I still get up in the morning?