this is my life
2001-09-01 07:50:53 (UTC)

:::not my week:::

i had an awful day. ive been feeling pretty down lately but
today was much worse. on monday, i made the mistake of
sleeping with this guy that i know. we had messed around
before, but on monday we had sex. i never really was
interested in him in terms of a long term relationship. ive
never really had casual sex before, and i thought i wanted
to do it. afterwards, i totally regretted it for two
reasons: one-i felt like a total slut, and two- he was
really bad in bed. not really bad, but i guess selfish,
like i didnt feell ike he was trying to pleasure me at all.
on the way home i cried becuase i felt so shitty. since
then, i talked to him once for like 5 minutes. today, he
invited me to some private chatroom on aim with him and
some of his friends, who i jus met. he was asking me to
come over and i was saying that i didnt know if i could
come. eventually, i ended up telling him that i didnt want
to do what we did anymore, and he got really upset. first
he begged meto come see him, told me all of this bullshit
like that he thought we really had something, and that he
really likes me and stuff. i could totally see thru all of
his bullshit. but anyways, the point of this stroy is, i
pissed him off by saying i didnt want to sleep with him
anymore and he went off and called me a ho and all of this
other shit, in front of his friends. he said some really
awful shit that made me cry. i cant believe i had sex with
someone who could say such awful things to me without a
feeling of regret. thats the worst.