Crimson Healer

Keros' life...and what comes of it
2002-12-21 03:22:31 (UTC)

a poe poem

im usually a nice and happy guy so im going to try to
write a free verse, sad and dreary poem.

What shall i choose?
My friends? or my games?
I cannot live without my friends.
I cannot live without my games.
I must be around people.
I must be alone.
Alone. 'Tis the autism
In me that desires
To be alone.
'Tis the human in me that desires
To be with my friends.
But what happens when i
Overuse my friends as a
Child plays with a toy
Until it breaks into
Many pieces?
Then I will be alone.
This is my dream...and my nightmare.
I am at peace with my games.
I am at peace with my friends.
I fight internally to choose:
Am I annoying my friends
With my mere presence?
Am I to be alone, celibate,
A hermit in a world of
Sociality and openness?
Or am I true to my friends?
Will they be there when I
Need them or will they
Cast me off as an outcast?
I will never be alone.
I will always be alone.
I cannot, but must,
I must, but cannot,
I must, cannot, must, cannot,
Must, cannot, must, cannot...
I am digging myself deeper
Into a well of self-pity.
This is the enemy.
I am NOT a selfish, stupid brat.
I am a selfish, stupid, spoiled,
Rich, snobbish, narcisstic
BRAT BRAT BRAT BRAT BRAT!!!!
Or am I? Is there even a
Small chance that I may
In fact be good?
That I may have achievements
That will not classify me
As a narcisstic brat?
Should I be ashamed of
The fact that I can do well?
That I get high grades
And high chair placements
And still consider myself
The epitome of shit?
Should I be ashamed?
No.
Yes.
No, take pride in your achievements.
Be proud of what you can do.
Yes, for now you think that
You are better, and you are not.
You are scum.
I am not.
You are filthy, rotten,
I am not.
Vile, aevil,
I am not.
Narcisstic, egotistical,
I AM NOT!
Scum of the earth that
Should be scraped from society.
I...AM...NOT!
YOU ARE!
I will not accept my fate as a hermit,
Alone in the world.
You must accept it. 'Tis your fate.
I must not.
What shall I choose?
That which symbolizes lonliness but happiness to all?
Or that which symbolizes my happiness only?
That I shall decide later.




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