ilm_tm4e

My Life
2002-12-20 15:10:12 (UTC)

The Story of My Life

Middle School was a weird time. I had just moved from
Fort Walton Beach in the panhandle of Florida. I had no
friends and I was misrable. I grew very lonely and
depressed. I hated my parents for making me move and lose
all my friends. I tried to keep contact with them, but you
know how that goes. One day in gym class though I met my
first two friends. Two kids were conversing about Pokemon
and the TCG. I overheard them and jumped into their
conversation showing my amazing understanding of Pokemon.
After that Shaun and Robbie were my two only friends.
Later that year I met Gary but a friendship never really
developed from it. Steven I met after talking to him a bit
at lunch, but it wasn't till I left Delaura that we became
great friends. Near the end of that year was my first
encounter with a possible relationship. A girl during gym
walked up to me and starting telling me about her friend
and how she has a crush on me. Lacking interest in love at
that time I turned her down. I still regret that though, I
never did find out who she was...
When I became a freshman in highschool things continued
to heat up. I met Lief in my Mr.Garr's biology class. For
one reason or another we started a competetion on grades.
Heh, I won, I was the only one out of us two who got a 100
on a test. I met Liz at that time, who was probably my
first real crush. We barely talked, but she always seemed
to brighten my day. She would turn aorund and write the
word "hi" on my paper, smile and then turn away. For some
reason I would always run into her in the hallways. It was
uncanny, every time I turned she would be there with her
friends.
Later that year I met Keira also. We always seemed to be
competing over grades. Well....she won...For some reason
or another I thought she was Gary's girlfriend that year.
So in respect to my friend I never allowed myself to
develop a crush on her. Although I tried not to, over the
coming summer I began to realize how much I miss her.
A friend from earlier that year, Michelle became the
biggest crush I ever had at that time. I would run to the
youth center just to hang out with her. She was great.
Being smart, fun, kind, funny, artistic, and beautiful,
she was everything I could ever ask for. I never was able
to tell her how much I like her though. She transferred
schools and never came back to the youth center after my
freshman year. I have never forgiven myself for not
telling her. It still hurts me today. I told myself later
not to ever make that mistake again.
Well, my Sophomore year was miserable. I hated it. I was
depressed nearly every day. I never was really happy, even
if I showed it. I was depressed because I had nearly no
friends, I had no classes with the people I knew before,
and I was often teased in class. Heh, sometimes even the
teacher found it funny. It destroyed me. I lost all
confidence in myself. I really was ready to kill myself,
my self-image was beyond repair. But my hope kept me
alive. I spent the whole year hoping that next year will
be different. That next year I will meet someone.
During registration for my Junior year, I saw Liz again.
I had Luis near by, so he was slightly teasing me. She was
only a few people in front of me, so I could of said "hi"
but for some reason it never came out. I passed through
registration as normal, and as I was getting my picture
taken I saw her leaning on the wall in front of me. Both
me and Luis witnessed another guy hitting on her. It hurt
me to see that. To see that I failed once again, because
of my cowardness. I leaft registration as normal, hurt
inside by my failure.
Well now comes my Junior year, being currently
incomplete, I'll be updating you often on it. This year
started normally enough. I was heart-broken and hurt from
my loss still, and I went through my classes with a ray of
hope that maybe I'll see Keira or Liz again. I guess God
heard me, because I wound up with 2 classes with Keira. It
sprung up some hope in me. Eventaully when Keira's seat
was moved right next to me, a friendship was renewed, and
things started looking up. We started talking more, and
hanging out. I developed a crush on her at that time, and
today it has become the biggest crush I have ever felt. I
feel stronger about Keira than I ever did with Michelle
now, and I would die if I lose her.
So now in the present, I still have a major crush on
Keira, and I still haven't made my move. Sadly, now I may
never have a chance to develop a good relationship with
her. The move in April is destroying me. If I move I will
lose her forever. I cannot lose her. If I lose her, I will
never be the same again. Losing Keira will permanently
destroy me. Losing Michelle put me in a 2 year depression,
ranging from my Freshman summer to the end of my Sophomore
summer. I feel that if I lose her, I may never find anyone
like her again. I don't want anyone else, I want Keira. I
don't want to move on, and try again anywhere else.
Honestly now, I don't want to be like before. I cannot
lose AGAIN. Damnit, why does this happen to me? It seems
as if God hates me. Everytime I fall in love he takes the
one I love away from me. Well this is all I have to say so
far. Hopefully things will turn out alright and I won't
lose her.

-Tony
12-20-2002




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