Dick Doomsday

wow

i just spent a good amount of time reading most of my
previous entries. and you know what? my life seems pretty
crazy. kinda boring in spots, but crazy.

the majority of my entries have alot to do with boys. three
to be exact. Mark, John, and Jason.

well duh, most are about Mark cuz, well, we have just gone
thru so much crap. we both have strong personalities that
like to butt heads. he's still my very best friend and the
true love of my life. he will forever be the love of my
life. and his friendship is one i cherish everyday. and
will continue to cherish even beyond my life. he knows me
inside out. as i know him the same. he's my other half. and
although we have been thru some bad times, we went thru
them together and thats what counts. we made it thru thick
and thin, babe. we can make it thru anything life throws at
us. i love you so much, its insanely rediculous. but i know
you love me the same so its okay. in the end, it'll all be
ok.

some entries are about john. john is a great guy, a great
friend, and even a great boyfriend. for some crazy reason
things didnt work out for us. i wish they had though.
although i've only known him for about 10 months, i feel as
if i've know him more many years. we've have our "tiffs"
but we made it thru. we still talk and i still love him
lots. when i'm off track john seems to be able to put me back in
place. john is someone i wish to keep in my life for a long
while.... forever. john, you know you mean alot to me
and you know i love you much. and although you wont say it, i
know you love me too.

and lastly jason was a big part of my life. i loved him
alot. more then i thought. and i guess i can say he played
me. well no. thats exagerating it negativly. he toyed with
my emotions but he did it without knowing he was doing it.
and that left a scar. i really did love that boy.
correction: i still really love that boy. i never stopped
loving him. i cant. underneath it all, he was a great guy,
a great friend, and if he still talked
to me i bet we would still be friends. but i wish i had
never allowed myself to feel so much for him. the only
thing i dont regret was that night at edgars house where
everything was perfect. for that one night, everything was
alright. and just being with him made me so happy. and i
wouldnt trade that night for anything. jason, you mean the
world to me. like i mentioned in a previous entry "even if
we werent going out i would still love him." its called
unconditional love and i meant it when i wrote it. to this
day, jason, i still love you very much. more then you'll
ever know.

well...yeah. by know i'm crying. three boys who have made a
huge impact in my life. three boys whom i will never stop
loving. three boys, whom i know love me for me. and that
makes everything else in my life ok. god, maybe i can try
and blame my uncontrolably emotional self on PMS. haha.
worth a try.

ok..i'm going to bed now.