Bruce Wayne

2002-12-19 21:37:46 (UTC)


I've about hit the wall as far as the shopping goes. I
really don't mind it for the most part, but I'm getting
tired of buying all the same people all the same things
every year. That said...I'm really thankfull to have all
the same people to buy all the same things for. If I didn't
have to make a trip to Barnes and Nobles every Xmass it'd
probably mean that my dad was gone. If I didn't have to
look for a different candle holder or oil lamp, it'd mean
that my wife were gone. Dog biscuits and toys...Barley. You
get my drift.

I really struggle to find things to get all the people in my
life and as much as that frustrates me that also is a great
indicator. The people in my life don't want for much. My
mother wanted a Red Scarf, do you think I could find a Red
Scarf in that entire mall...I'm in New England for God
sakes. I had to go into New Hampshire to shop...I think
there was a time when they would stand @ the border handing
out free red scarfs so people could stand the weather in
New Hampshire. Well I found one in Bannana Republic and it
was the last red one they had, for $38. It could have been
$100 and I might have bought it just to be done with the
search. $40 for a wasn't even cashmere. Not that
my Mom's not worth the contrary!

My wife is getting a Palm (well the Dell version anyway)
some Discs, a sweater, candles ect. I had a little more to
get her and she desperately needs Bras. What a pain in the
ass it is buying those contraptions. Everything I like
would clearly be uncomfortable for her. Full of padding,
inserts and wires designed to practically spring her
breasts out of them. They might as well have some sort of
antigravity device in them that constantly forced the
breasts out of the neckline. This is definetly one of those
trap gifts. I buy what I like ...I just look plain selfish
(and I'm fool enough to not deny it). The way I see it I
could buy the plain jane practical bra for her and then get
the helium filled , silicone injected, lycra/spandex/lace
trimmed, freon chilled for permerect nipples, "come on
baby , squeeze in between these" breast retention device of
my dreams for me. Odds are it's not going to fit me as
well as her. Can't hurt to try ...can it?

I have a plan for next year...A plan you say...Yes a
plan!!! I want to be on the lookout for the hottest (as in
zipper busting) clothing articles I can find and buy them
for her. Here's where my diabloical genius takes over!!!
Little by little, I start to weed her closet out and rid
myself...I mean her, of all the hum drum (not that it's all
hum drum you understand)clothing she owns. Kind of like
those old t shirts of mine that seem to disappear
mysteriously. I think that's a completely uterus driven
compulsion...throwing out our favorite , worn , clothing
articles and claiming complete ignorance when it is
discovered the they're gone. I don't even think they are
aware they do it. She'll soon have no choice but to dress
as the sexkitten I see her as. I suppose if that happens
the next step will have to be the vascectomy. No need to
be hasty

Well anyway, I've got my fingers crossed for some Kevin
Smith items, maybe some music, clothes...ya know, the same
ole stuff for same ole me!

Hope Everyone's as lucky as I am this holiday season!

God Bless!