Life as I know it.
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2001-08-31 16:50:44 (UTC)

Remember me now

cause things always change, 5 long years are gone.

Ah the Bouncing Souls, and that song quoted above is called
Kate is Great. IT fits my life, cause it was only 5 short
years since i entered college, an oh wait, im still here.
Changed forever, but completely the same. Bitter and a lot
more wise to the ways of the world (basically how you
always get fucked over in the end). IM afraid of everyday
things like Im horribly afraid of beingcompletely alone in
this world, but im terrified to even let anyone close to me
again. Im afraid of being yet another college graduate
with a sucky job. Then again,im afraid of going to school
for a long time and finding out that I didnt really want or
need my PhD in Archaeology. Im afraid that im just gonna
end up marrying someone just because they ask and they can
provide stability and not for love. IM afraid of never
being in love again. Im afraid that the kind of shit im
doing now is all gonna catch up with me in the near future
and i dont need that now. Im afraid my kids will find out
about me and everything I have done...I would never tell
them stuff like that. Im afraid that I come off as a bitch
to a lot of people, a preppy fuckng snobby bitch, Im not,
trust me...but I dont know I -know- I push people away but
thats cause i dont want them too close to me. I dont want
anyone to know anything deep about me, i mean obviously
people know this now via this diary thing, but i know
itsounds weird...but I seriously have this reputation to
live up to. And I do not know how I got this rep.
Basically im cool, a man hater (which makes me laugh), i go
thru men like clothes (not really)...i dont know its like i
have this fucking person to live up to, and you know what?
Its not me. Seriously. Its not. I turn 22 tomorrow and
by the time im 27 I will be married, its my goal...I want
to have kids, I want a family. I want to take care of
people. Its sick as much as I want that I also always want
to be free from ties in this world/...it will make it
easier for me to move when I feel like it and do crazy ass
things. Im strange. Im a dork, and I have no direction in
which to head.

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