my confused life
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2002-12-19 04:55:02 (UTC)

Confused Feelings

i don't know why i'm writing in this thing. i just felt
like writing, expressing my feelings. i have a very
confused mind, well not confused, but a mix of emotions.
I finally have a boyfirend named Adrian, that i think
loves me. I'm so happy because i have him. 've longed
for him since a long time ago, i just never really talked
to him, and since i met him online i got to really get to
know him, and well i fell completely for him. i swear,
i've never been in love like this before.i never thought i
could love someone so much. some say it's puppy love, but
i don't listen to them, cuz i don't think they know how i
really feel. i don't want to tell him that i really do
mean it when i say that i love him, welli think he knows i
mean it, but still i think i'd scare him away if i told
him. he's the greatest guy i know, and probably i'll ever
know. He always makes my day brighter, when it's dark.
it just getz me really sad when i can't see him. When i
see him i even feel like like, well crying of joy. i
don't really get to see him. we've been going out for
almost a month, and i've only seen him three times, THREE
TIMES. i know sometimes he can't go out, his mother is
strict, but i just wish i could have him w/ me forever and
ever, but of course that's imposiible. sometimes he says,
well not says, sounds in tone, things that make me feel
kinda bad. i wish he knew that the smallest things hurt
me. i'm very sensitive, and get hurt easily, therefore i
am weak. i wouldn't like him to know that i'm weak. i
try to keep this image for people to think i'm strong, i
hide all that makes me sad behind a smile. i've suffered
alot in my life. the only ones that know about everything
in my life has been my friend gus, he's the only one i
trust. heck, i don't even trust myself.heh. i could say
some stuff about my life that'd leave u w/ your mouth
open. but hey, why do i complain, there's others who have
it worse. i just wish i could've had a simple childhood
and adolesence. i wish i wouldn't of gotten it as rough
as i did. by the way in case u haven't noticed i'm gay.
i just wish somehow Adrian could read this, but i'd rather
he didn't cuz he'd probably just get scared of me, and
break up w/ me, like all the other ones have just for
liking them. i just need someone to hold me tight, make
me forget about my problems, make me feel like i'm
important, make me feel like i'm worth it, like i'm
someone. and i think Adrian is that someone,he makes me
feel that way. i just wish he knew all this, maybe he'd
fall for me as i have for him. I think it's about time i
get to live a life w/out pain, w/out hurt, only w/