humming bird

my F***ed up head
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2002-12-19 03:14:55 (UTC)

weirded out

yeah ok so since my birthday- i have hung out with jason
twice- once was with meg and nik and once was just me and
him and we were pretty chilled when it was just us cept for
the lil fact that i think he has a gf and would not just
come out and say it but its fine i really dont think i
care but i just cant figure out if i am over him or not but
i dont care ... but something is wrong with me, like
something has to be wrong with me cuz i have been haviung
the worst mood swings and the weirdest part is that they
are totally opposite of before- like before i would be all
bitchy when iw as home and straight when i was with my
frinds and now its like im straight at home and bitchy with
my friends and i hate it and i think i am gonna stop
smoking weed, like i did it for a while cuz i liked it and
i enjoyed it and it was like an awesome time like i had so
much fun but it just is kinda starting to suck- like ti
doesnt give me the same high and the same feeling that
there is no such thing as reality bc reality keeps hitting
me harder and harder everyday and i am really starting to
realize i gotta bust my ass to get where i want to go, im
not one of those ppl who can do both- ya know like party
and still do straight in school but im not one of those ppl
who jsut lets everything take me over- like i'll stll party
and stuff just not as much and im gonna buckle down in
school and get my shit done in cosmo and yeah im just not
the same for some reason and i dunno why but whatev and
yeah so we'll see what happens with jason... to be continued