StephyDove

Everyone's Precious Writings

Well, I'm having symptons already--need three meals a day,
tired all the time, and have to go to the bathroom all the
time!!!! We still don't have any insurance--I've been
doing all the digging I can to try and get some help. I
just found out that it will take over $500 just for the
first visit to the doctor!!!!! I can't believe it! It's a
financial nightmare not to have insurance.

The ironic thing is that I have always had insurance!!!!
Ahh well, I must deal with life's trials as they come. I
have found out about Medicaid and Title 19....which I think
are one in the same. If John and I are eligible then we
will have a lot of help...if not...well, we're screwed.

I started this to write about my first 9 months...but as I
started reading what other people were writing--my heart
was moved and I am hooked in these people's lives---It is
soo awesome to know that I'm not alone in a lot of my
thoughts--and to be able to step into someone elses
shoes/life for a moment means a lot to me. Everyone I
have read so far has been so precious to me--each one
touching my heart in some way--either by being able to
understand/having been there--or longing to be able to help
that person.

So, I decided to write stuff--other than just about my
first 9 months/pertaining to my baby and hubby. I'm going
to write about my life....

My life at the moment is quiet crazy in some peoples eyes--
I live in a 1 bedroom apartment with 6 people--and 1 more
moving in in 2 weeks!!! It's very stressful--especially
when 1 or more are complete slobs. Some may read my
entries and find them wacko--because I am a Christian--so I
will be talking about what I think is wrong...morally...and
what I'm going through with my walk with Christ.

I hope, that just as I look at others lives and think they
are unique and special--you would try to step in my shoes
and not judge me for my Christianity.

Right now my sister-in-law (one of my roomates) is
really "backslidding" if that is what you want to call it.
She is sooo beautiful and sooo talented...yet she is
letting herself go. It seems as if she has lost the vision
God gave her so long ago. She sings like an angel--and her
heart is woven into a life of worship. She longs to lead
people to worship at church and she's good at it too. But
recently it is like she just has given up. Last weekend
she rolled on "X" and tripped on acid.

It makes me soo sad to see her this way. She just keeps
lowering her standards. The other day my husband walked
out on the balcony and she was changing clothes--she was
butt naked for everyone to see. That is something my
sister-in-law would never do! She sooo distant from me.
The last thing I want is for her to think that I hate her
or I'm mad at her...or that I'm judging her.

I just want her to know I'm there for her--and that I'm sad
that she is doing these things. I know she isn't happy
because when reality snapped in the other night while we
were outside talking---her eyes seemed to glaze over--and
she seemed to be crying inside. She is looking so hard to
find more of God--and I think she just got disappointed and
frustrated...and gave up.

It does seem impossible sometimes--like He isn't
there...but you have to hold on--because the times when you
know He is there far out way any other thing or dry time in
your life. Even now--I feel far from God--I haven't drawn
close to Him in sooo long. Reading my Bible, and praying.
I pray--but my focus has shifted from God to my vain
efforts.

Soon, John's cousin will be here in 2 weeks--He is moving
in with us to get away from the drug scene--he was a BIG
TIME drug dealer---and has not many brain cells left. He
has a big heart though--and I love him alot. I hope that
when he comes down he can resist the temptations.

It's really amazing--someone walked up to him in the middle
of the park and told him all these things about him that NO
ONE could have known--He said he hadn't told anyone those
things...and they told him that God told them to come up to
him and tell him that God has a call on his life--and it is
sooo much more than what he is right now! That's sooo
incredible. God knew that it would take something like
that to happen to catch his attention! So, now he is on
his way here.. to live with us....and try to get his life
back on track.

I'm praying that when he comes down God will give me
strength because I am barely able to handle living with the
6 of us....Much less....G and his dog--which is absolutly
gargantuan by the way and very screwed up because of all
the drugs G gave him. He cusses like a sailor--and I know
he will try not to do it anymore..but it's going to be hard
for him...I just have to trust in God to give me
strength...We're not going to be able to walk in that
little one bedroom apartment---oh....I also have 2 puppies..

"It will work out" says my hubby. He's right...it always
seems to work out. I'm going to leave work early today to
try to start to get the ball rolling with this whole
medicaid thing....or Title 19...whatever it is.

"It will all work out, don't worry"