The Calamari Files
My frikkin nose
well, im not hung over today so i feel like i can explain
my classic simon situation again.
Anyone want to put in a guess? Thats right, men. The guy
from the london march to be exact, darren. Or has he would
say, darnnnnnnnnnn. Cause he's irish. ahh dear, he's so
Anyway, went to the ball at manchester town hall for the
lgb societies, looking top notch i can tell you, i
seriously thought i looked ace. it was really nice, wine
flowed, i inhaled the helium balloons and sang my barny
gumble margehritaville song (classy broad), it was all
good. nice venue too, they had a quintet of strings playing
classical music whilst we were eating, it was really nice.
anyway, darren showed up as promised and we chatted,
danced, wandered around together, he pulled me about by the
hand, i mean it was all good. and we got drunk, flirted
excessively, seriosly guys it was all cool. And humerously,
the bar consisted of two massive ornate drinks cabinets,
about six feet across and seven feet high, or something
like that, on little wheels. so as im strutting my stuff
with darren, he cries `watch out` and i turn round only to
get smashed into by one of these huge heavy drinks
cabinets. it was so embarrasing, although im only realising
this now as i put it into words on `paper`. no one seemed
to notice and darren was pretty concerned, so no harm done.
anyway, we boogied away and went to cruz 101 afterwards,
all suited and booted. boogied in there, and then i thought
right, screw this, time to let him know how i feel. so i
went to chat and he said he was having a bad time and was
leaving, and whoosh he was gone. i began to get pissed off,
thinking id missed my chance, so a minute later i got
stamped and went aftre him, to the bus stop. chatted for a
while, so then i grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket
and said `listen darren, i think your really nice...` and
then a bus turned up. his two female friends got onboard
with cries of `come on darren`, and he replied `no, i'll
get the next one, don't worry`. BINGO i thought. only for
one of his oh so helpful friends to say `you can use you
Magic Bus (tm) return on this bus too` and away he went. I
turn away in disgust and he called out `call me tomorrow
simon, simon!`. so then i got blitzed. got a text from him
later saying `i'm sorry, i think your such a nice guy. I
really do. But i'm not a bastard, and i have to think of
james because i do like him. Don't think bad of me. Dxx`.
so i chatted to him a bit with texts, and ill ring him this
weekend. WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO GO WRONG??? although
the cabinet story is a good one. ah well.
spent last night with james, he came round and slept on the
floor. i slept on his floor after the ball, so maybe he
just felt he had to pay me back or something, i dunno.
anyway, we watched some tv and stuff. he's a nice guy, a
communist, been to florence and washington to fight
fascists and all that pinko nonsense. and he's hot. i
should try something really, i mean i don't think i really
do it for him but he seems like the kinda guy who- how can
i put this without me sounding like a slut?- would sleep
with me for comedy value and so we could both sleep in a
bed. I realise that sounds bad, but i just mean its good
for us both, cause it's sex, and it's no big deal is it?
but enough of my sluttish ways.
so now it's wednesday and i'm in the library about to type
up my iraq projct. i've only done about twelve hundred
words, but if i type them up now i can easily do another
eight hundred at home and type them up tomorrow, i mean it
should all be good. then i'll be ready to go home friday
and see the two towers with ryan and family that night.
ps. did i mention in my last post that my old housemate
rented `history` by michael jackson on dvd? it's got all
the videos he's done, well a load of them, and subtitles so
u can sing along. so anyway, we watch `bad` and at a
crucial bit of `shamoan` we see it says `come on`.... so
thats alledgedly what he says. but the first time he says
it its like `sham bone`. mad i tell you. anyway mates, home
soon, i can just smell the vogue toilets...