Static and Silence
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2001-08-31 04:13:47 (UTC)

Deeper into the void I stare....

Kristen was gone. There was nothing I could do or say to
bring her back. I felt so empty inside. A couple of
months passed by...and Drew and I had not really done
anything together like we said we would. One evening, while
I was alseep in my bed, the telephone rang. Drew was on
the other end. He told me his car broke down and he needed
a jumpstart. I drove to where he was. He was on his way
home from work and was passing through the little town
where I lived. You see, where I am from in northeastern
PA, you just drive from one little town to the next...with
hardly any demarcation letting you know you've left one
little hamlet and entered another.

I told Drew I was going to stop in where he worked (Camelot
Music) to get some CD's. It was about two weeks later...the
first week of October...that I stopped in to see Drew. I
told him I wanted something REALLY harsh...some Industrial
music. He recommended Hideaway (soundtrack for the
movie). I hung out and we talked for about an hour. Drew
just seemed so distant since Kristen's death. I asked him
if everything was ok...he said "Yeah".

It was a week later. I was working the long shift at the
hardware store. I got a job at the hardware store while I
was finishing school. It was a small town, family owned
store...only four employees. It was already dark out...and
normally I worked with another person. However my co-
worker was sick that I worked from 8AM to 8PM by
myself. It was around 7PM when the phone rang. It was a
message from my soon to be ex. She told me to call Stacey
at Drew's house. Stacey was a mutual friend. One of the
sweetest girls I ever knew. She was dating my friend
Steve...and she was like a sister to me.

I asked why Stacey wanted me to call her at Drew's...but
she didn't know. I called Drew's house. His dad answered
the phone. I told him I was supposed to call Stacey
there. He asked me if I had heard the news....and my heart
sank. I said, "Did something happen to Drew???!?!?!???!!?"
He said, "Matt, Drew committed suicide." I said in
disbelief, "Is he dead?" And he answered, "Yes, please
come up to the house...all of Drew's friends are here."

I called to my boss's house (we lived in the same house...I
lived in the other half of his duplex...he was my boss and
landlord...not a good combination). We only lived 4 blocks
away. I told him my friend had died and I needed to go to
his house. I asked him very nicely if he could come down
and work the last 45 minutes for me and lock up. He said
he couldn't because he was watching the game (football). I
practically begged him...but he said no..and I said I was
going to lock up early and leave...and that not a single
customer had been in since 5. He told me if I did that I
would not have a job. So I had to wait there for an
agonizing 45 minutes....what a DICK!!!!!

I don't even remember driving up there...but somehow I
found myself knocking on Drew's door. His dad answered...a
big hulking man...a gentle giant. He just grabbed me and
gave me a big hug...and I broke down. I spent much of the
night there...visiting and talking with friends. Drew's
dad told me that Drew had left a club at 1AM...and he drove
to a secluded spot, pulled off the road, walked into the
woods and hung himself. There was no indication
that he was going to do this. He even told some friends at
the club that he would see them tomorrow.

You know, I really haven't ever shared this story to this extent
with many people. I don't know that I could write this for
everyone to read....but I am hoping there is one person
reading "sad" girl that reads this and know not
everything is hopeless...and that there are people that do

God, I have so much more to say about this...about
Drew...but I can't really type anymore...I am drained.
Damn Strep Throat...feels like I am swallowing

I am leaving town tomorrow mid-morning. I am going to go
to a little cabin on a lake for the long holiday weekend.
If I didn't already reserve the cabin I would probably stay
home. Oh well, I'll do lot's of reading and
contemplating. Be well everyone.