My Life Story
2001-08-31 02:54:41 (UTC)

This is me....

Hi!Well, I'm not really sure where to start. I haven't
quite figured out why i'm doing this but I think it will
really help me, and if nothing else it will give me
something to do in all the time that i waste online
everyday. Well, I'm a juniorat WHS. I definitely understand
now why people say that your junior year is the hardest.
I've had tons of homework everyday and have been really
overwhelmed by all my classes. It should still go pretty
well though. (Hopefully at least!)I had to go to band from
6-9 tonight, and that was really long and boring. Tomorrow
night we have to play at the football game. I'm kind of
looking forward to it, though.

Well, I guess now's a good time to give u a little
background on some of the stuff that's been bothering me
lately. Gees! Where to begin. Well, about 2 years ago, my
dad got diagnosed with a very rare kidney disease. The
doctors put him on all kinds of medicine which has really
affected his mood and personality and he's been in and out
of the hospital ever since then. My grandpa (on my dad's
side) has had multiple strokes and has had to be put in
nursing home. He can't walk around or take care of himself
anymore and his mind is really going. My grandpa (on my
mom's side) is in the middle of chemotherapy for leukemia.
Last time he went through chemo it made him really sick and
the doctors were really surprised he ever lived through it.

Well, last week it seemed like everything started attacking
me at once! My dad was in the hospital....again. I always
let that get to me way too much when he's in, but it's just
really scary for me. One afternoon I went to the nursing
home to visit my grandpa, and he couldn't even remember who
I was anymore. Then when I got home my mom was telling me
about my dad. She said that if we hadn't gotten him to the
hospital when we did, that within an hour or so he would
have gone in to a coma and probably would have died. I
didn't know what to think after hearing that. I was just
really scared and sad and confused. I decided to just get
some sleep to try and get my mind off it all, but when I
woke up the next morning it was still bothering me just as
much. All of my attention was clearly on that that morning
because before school I got into an accident in the High
School parking lot. By that point, I was a complete wreck!!
I went into the office while we were explaining what had
happened, and I just started crying. I had let so much
build up inside of me and I couldn't take it anymore.

Hopefully, by writing in this I will be able to avoid
having my emotions get so built up like that. I always want
to talk to someone about stuff like this that's going on in
my life but....well, here's the story with that. I have
this thing where I feel a lot more comfortable talking to
guys than girls. I think that girls just try to be too
competitive, but guys will really listen and will be there
to support u and help u. The only problem is that I really
don't have any guys that I can talk to like that. I wish i
did....but I don't. And speaking of guys....I don't have
much luck with them, to say the least. I've only ever had
one boyfriend. The relationship lasted for a year and a
half but that ended almost 2 years ago. Everything since
then has just been random stuff with guys who just wanted
to use me.

Right now some of my friends are trying to hook me up with
a guy. Both of them have guys that they're dating and will
probably end up going to homecoming with, but I have no
one. I think they feel like they're leaving me out cause
they're always out on their double dates and stuff, but
there's nothing they can do about it. I don't think things
would ever work between me and the guy they want to hook me
up with. There's a few guys that I really like, but I don't
think they're really interested in me, and even if they
were, I won't make the first move. Everytime i've asked a
guy on a date or to a dance or anything, I've gotten turned
down so now I have this huge fear of rejection. Maybe I'm
missing out on some opportunities by not taking the
initiative and asking a guy to homecoming, but I'm also
saving myself from being rejected yet again.

Wow! This is a lot more than I ever expected to write.
Well, it's gettin late, so I'm gonna go get some sleep.
I'll write more tomorrow.

~Daria :)