thuggy

~*Why Does It Hurt So Bad?*~
2001-08-31 02:04:08 (UTC)

*suspiro*

yea...like i said...*suspiro* thats all ive been doin the
past week or two. i really need a life. too bad mah life
is work. too bad natalio is at my work, therefore making
him my life...(it makes sense to me) owell...i had mah
bday...I 16 NOW!!! YAY!!! i wanted to go out and do
something with him, and i had mentioned it, but nuffin...so
he called me in the morning and said, "Hey swetie! happy
birthday!" *susprio* i love him. i dunno y tho. he
pisses me off too much. like on friday (the day before mah
bday) he was initiating and i was in back drive. whenever
i would look up, there he was, looking at me with the look
that made me fall in love with him in the first
place...DAMN THAT ADORABLE MOIST PUPPY DOG EYE! DAMN IT TO
FAWKIN HELL AND BACK! *ahem* estoy bien (para ahora).
so then he calls me in the morning. i go out with mom and
dad to see the others (which was decent i must say) and i
no sooner come in the door than talio calls me. he says
that he was gonna go out to the movies, but that his friend
hadnt called him back. then he asked me what i was doin
that nite, and i said nuffin. turns out, we got out to the
movies (rush hour 2) and his friend comes too. fun. so
were all chummy. nuffin big, but i try to make little
moves (leg against leg, arm against arm, hands touch in the
popcorn...that whole type thing). then its over and so we
go over to mcdz to wait for mah mom. hes pretty much
ignoring me now. i dont wanna say ignore me, bc he wasnt.
he was treating me as a friend. and thats all. as we go
to leave, hes walkin off with his friend and so i think
that hes just gonna go home and not say bye. i start off
in the direction of my car. he comes up behind me. were
talkin for a couple mins, then i say that i should go
before mom gets mad (even tho i know she wouldnt) nehoo,
then he walks up to me, opens his arms, and hugs me and
says, "Goodnight Honey" honey. damn that word. and
everyother sweet and sentimental word. then again
yesterday (wednesday) he was doing that staring thing. i
would look up and he would be looking with those damn
eyes. urg! wtf?! i know there wont be an "us" again for
a couple reasons: for one, hes like in love with everyone
else (karen...not the geek, but the slut) i was talkin to
lori and she was sayin that he was a player and i was like,
r u sure, bc he would never do that (or so i think,
thought, all of the above, WHATEVER) and then she was
talkin to him in spanish and she told him that karen was
comming back, and he got all excited..."when?" basically.
turns out that he wanted to take her to argentina with
him. hrm...didnt know about that one...but she left before
i even started talking to him...also, lori told me that he
kept asking nelly to marry him (ew!) lol, but that would
explain why they were always talking and being chummy. i
still care about him, but i know that theres not going to
be an us again, and im trying to hard to stop caring, but i
cant. i cant stop thinking about all those nites we were
together, happy. how he would kiss me, and fireworks would
go off. he like no other guy ive been with. hes totally
different. anyother guy i woulda said fuck it, but i just
cant do it with him. i really and honestly dont know y.
i think i can, but then when i see him, i always think that
maybe there is a chance again, but im my heart, i know that
there prolly isnt. i have to move on, but how can i when i
have to see him almost everyday? i just feel so hopeless
lately. it doesnt bug me as much as it used to, but it
bithers me to know that im not the only one hes thinking
about (if he is at all) urg. owell. not gonna worry. or
atleast try not to. gggrrr!!! arg!! gotta go in
tomorrow...fun!