Willow Flare
Willow's Wacky World
Jim
Jim just randomly stopped by tonight. He stayed for like
an hour. He said that he was supposed to meet Jenny at the
movies at 7:50. I feel bad because I was suspicious of
him. I thought he was looking for this resume program Beth
wanted while I was making tea-he didn't take it, I found it
buried under some cd's. I don't know if he still was
looking for it for Beth or not. Mom said that I'm letting
Beth spoil everything, but I don't know. I don't know who
to trust. Jim has just stopped by before but this time, it
felt.....wrong. Like, it wasn't really Jim and it was this
played-up "I'm doing great without you guys" act. I'm not
okay. I miss Aaron and Jim. I like hanging out with Aaron
because he still makes my heart skip a beat and makes me
flush when I know I'm going to see him. I like hanging out
with Jim because there's this slight chance that things may
lead to a repeat of that one night last summer..... He has
Laura and Aaron has heather to bat around. I don't know if
Aaron's doing anything with her, but I still love him. I
always will. And I'm waiting. I'm waiting for the day
when I'll realize I never loved him and I'm waiting for
someone new to come along and make Aaron a thing of the
past and I'm waiting for someone to tell me that it's just
a crush or puppy love or that I don't know what love
is... "but let me show you"..... *Sigh* I want to get on
with my life. I need to be able to trust again. I need to
be able to feel loveable again. I need to figure out if
I'm actually doomed to be so hopeless the rest of my life
or if this is just a test, some trial that I need to react
to in a certain way. I hate that I want to stalk Jim-I
want to go to the theater and see if his and Jenny's car is
there-if heather and Aaron's car is there....or Beth and
Weezy. This is horrible. I'm becoming obsessed. I'll get
over it. I just need to breathe.... Much better. :) I am
really okay. I have my dogs and I have my writing and I
have my Thoreau books. I will be just fine.
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