Willow Flare

Willow's Wacky World
2002-12-17 00:58:17 (UTC)

Jim

Jim just randomly stopped by tonight. He stayed for like
an hour. He said that he was supposed to meet Jenny at the
movies at 7:50. I feel bad because I was suspicious of
him. I thought he was looking for this resume program Beth
wanted while I was making tea-he didn't take it, I found it
buried under some cd's. I don't know if he still was
looking for it for Beth or not. Mom said that I'm letting
Beth spoil everything, but I don't know. I don't know who
to trust. Jim has just stopped by before but this time, it
felt.....wrong. Like, it wasn't really Jim and it was this
played-up "I'm doing great without you guys" act. I'm not
okay. I miss Aaron and Jim. I like hanging out with Aaron
because he still makes my heart skip a beat and makes me
flush when I know I'm going to see him. I like hanging out
with Jim because there's this slight chance that things may
lead to a repeat of that one night last summer..... He has
Laura and Aaron has heather to bat around. I don't know if
Aaron's doing anything with her, but I still love him. I
always will. And I'm waiting. I'm waiting for the day
when I'll realize I never loved him and I'm waiting for
someone new to come along and make Aaron a thing of the
past and I'm waiting for someone to tell me that it's just
a crush or puppy love or that I don't know what love
is... "but let me show you"..... *Sigh* I want to get on
with my life. I need to be able to trust again. I need to
be able to feel loveable again. I need to figure out if
I'm actually doomed to be so hopeless the rest of my life
or if this is just a test, some trial that I need to react
to in a certain way. I hate that I want to stalk Jim-I
want to go to the theater and see if his and Jenny's car is
there-if heather and Aaron's car is there....or Beth and
Weezy. This is horrible. I'm becoming obsessed. I'll get
over it. I just need to breathe.... Much better. :) I am
really okay. I have my dogs and I have my writing and I
have my Thoreau books. I will be just fine.




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