Eyes4Guys

Personal hell & back again
2002-12-16 07:34:37 (UTC)

Models in a black and white world

I suppose there would be a reason for doing the things that
we do. I really don't know what I should be writing about.
I'm just listening to my best friend's MP3 collection, most
of which are mellow songs, trying to drown out the noise of
her and her boyfriend performing naughty little tricks on
each other in her room. But oddly enough, I'm not in a
horny mood. Suprising, I must have gotten it out of my
system, for today anyways.

There are so many things I should be doing right now. If
Chris had it his way, I'd be living with my parents again,
I would have quit Burger King and Subways to get a real
job, I would be going to school and just being happy. But
of course, he can't have it his way.

If I were to move back in, World War III would start over
where it left off. Since my moving out, I have had a
wonderful relationship with my mother. It is odd for me,
because for 6 years before I moved out, we were at each
other's throats. Now, we are actually friends. I would love
to move back in, but stubborn me, I don't want to. I see no
resect in going back to my parents again. Yes, I would save
so much money just living there. Countless amounts, my bank
account would be higher than it was before I left. When I
left, I had $2000 in there, but that went into my rent and
my bills. I don't even remember having that much money.
Chris does. Funny, I never knew I had that much. Expenses
kills everything.

Someday though, I will get a better job, a real job, and
will be going to school again. I don't even know what I
want to be though. I thought an Adolescent Psychologist,
but now I'm not so sure if I am cut out for that. I mean,
that's been my dream job since I was a freshman in high
school, but now, it just seems so far fetched for me. The
chances of my getting a job would be so unlikely. I need to
settle for something here, that I can rely on.

But for now, I'll settle with my two jobs, talkign to my
boyfriend over the internet and taking pictures with my
black and white film for Chris' calender. Once I have
enough pictures, then I can send them in and have the
calender made. I hope it turns out ok. Oh, a calender. But
the pictures are of either us as a couple, or just me. He
complains about not having enough pictures of me. Well,
now, he will. And he can use them so he won't get in
trouble. One, or two, for every month. I wish he could be
here with me right now.

Wednesday night seems so far away...three more nights.




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