The Muffin Man

My Favorite Courdaroys
2002-12-15 17:30:47 (UTC)

Burning Bridges

Burning bridges would be fun. Just burning away the past.
Never being able to cross back to the things you once did.
The things you once had. It would just be so freaking
cool. But then what would you have to look back on? What
would you have to base choices on? Nothing. Running away
from the past is not a choice I guess. I have to deal with
it. Admitt that I cant change the things that have
happened. That I alone can overcome what holds me down. I
cant live in my fantasy reality anymore. Where everything
works out in my mind. Where there is always some solution
to the problem right around the corner. I cant always be a
dreamer. I have to face reality and admitt that I have to
let go. I cant let these nagging questions about things
gone by eat away at me. Make me crazy and full of jealous
thoughts. I cant hold the grudges Ive held onto for so
long. I have to let go. Know I can no longer have the
girl of my dreams. I just have to let it all go. But I
cant burn it while in the process. Maybe just put it all
aside and say Im over it. But Im not over it and we all
know that. I dont know how to get over it. But I guess
only time will tell. I miss the things I used to have but
theirs nothing that can bring them back. And in a year I
will probably never talk to them again. Which hurts. It
hurts not having any communication with them now. But what
can you do. Its probably best I dont talk with them
anymore. I dont know why Im talking like nobody knows who
Im talking about. But it hurts. Ive lost a friend.
Someone that I confided my secrets in. Someone I trusted
with all I had. I trusted her. I cant really say Ive ever
trusted anyone like I trusted her. Im just afraid one day
shell use something I told her against me. I know thats a
foolish thought but I cant help it. I just miss having
that special someone. I know no one can ever replace her
but thats okay. I think it would be wierd if i found
someone like her again. It would just be crazy. I know
there isnt another one like her out there. But its okay.
I know I talk about her all the time. And I know I try and
act like I dont miss her and I dont care about her anymore
but I do. I dont know why Im so hopelessly devoted to
her. Its not gonna do me any good. When she leaves for
the airforce or army or whatever she does shell be gone
from my life forever. And all the questions I kept inside
will be left unanswered forever. Maybe its best that way.
Well Im gonna stop crying about shit. I dont know what im
gonna do. Oh well.

-Matt-