SoTired

Me
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2001-08-30 06:54:53 (UTC)

I Guess I'm Doing All Right

I went to school until about three today. School wasn't so
bad , and I finally got some homework done. It seems that
every time I sit down to do homework I either fall asleep
in my books, or my mind wanders so bad that I can't think.
The fact that I got anything done today was a huge
accomplishment.

The Steve stuff is getting easier. As time goes by it's
easier to not remeber how great being close to him and
being with him was. I talked to him on the phone on Monday.
I still don't know what I think about that one. Part of me
was glad I did becuase I finally saw that yes this is
affecting him. I was also happy to hear his voice again.
Calling him was really bad though. I didn't get anymore
answers, explanations or anything. I also heard him falling
asleep and I really, really wished that I was curled up
sleeping with him. That stirred up so many emotions. It
also made me mad becuase he said that my voice helps him
sleep. Did he call me just for that? Also, I am such a
pushover. After all that I still called him when he asked,
and I felt sorry for him becuase he's sick, and I wanted to
help him. Say hi to squishy the 8th dwarf.

Then there's that friend of mine who's been so darn nice to
me. It's been such a huge help to have him around. He has
really been helping me get through this stuff. I can't help
but wonder about ulterior motives. I mean I know he likes
me and now he wants to have dinner. I don't know, I think I
can hang with this. He knows how bad I got hurt so he is
willing to work with me. I also wonder if this whole thing
with Steve just served to help me with this. I mean before
this I would never have considered this person. Don't get
me wrong this person is extremely sweet ,and fun to talk to
and all around a good guy. It's just that his values aren't
like my own and his beliefs are different. This
relationship with Steve has really opened me up to a lot of
new things. I think that now I am ok with this. We'll see
how it goes and what happens.

Then there's the fact that I'm going to go insane from
stress. I work 2 jobs, carry 15 units, and have to do 60
hours of field work. I also don't drive so that means I
take twice as long to get anywhere, and to get to my other
job I have to bike to timbuktu and back. This isn't helped
by the fact that my schedule is on crack next week. I am
scheduled 32 hours instead of 24. I am working on Thursday
but I need to be at my other job on Thursday. I was going
to put my hours from Tuesday onto Friday so I can be at my
other job since the kid starts school and I can't come
early anymoe. He has me starting work on Friday when I'm in
school and I still need to do my field work that day. I
wrote a note about Friday but the rest is too complicated
to put into a note. My boss is still on vacation and by the
time he comes back it'll be too late. Then he'll get all
pissed at me again becuase the schedule is made. Maybe Is
hould just break down in tears. That'd show him. It doesn't
take much these days.

Anyhow, I gotta go and be up early tommorow becuase I can't
get a floppy drive to work so I can read the sylabus for
class. I have no idea what that readings are or anything.
Who's idea was it to put the sylabus on disk? Argh.


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