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2001-08-30 06:01:09 (UTC)

The IDioT..

~*Do i look like an idiot.OK my sis says im taking it
too far and dont know what mi talking about.Paul says that
the reason he likes me is bc he thought leslie didnt like
him and she told him to go for me bc i liked him.So too me
it sounds like he just takes the leftovers bc he cant get
the good peice of meat.What the sister was all on
here flirtin with him and now shes like tryin to tell me im
being irrational.She has no right to call me nething right
now bc i thought i would finally get a bf then i found out
he really likes my sister.I HATE BEING A FUCKING TWIN!!!You
never know if i guy likes u or ur sister bc they jus go for
one of u bc of the looks then find out personalities and
find out they like the other but jus stick with u bc ur
available.If neone reads this please tell me if its really
jus me.
I ran the couples run today and i sucked.I got 26.31
when i was expecting 24 min.I was so upset that i cried
like a bunch of times.Of course it wasnt infront of
anyone.Oh no i would never do that.But while i was runnning
i got a pannick attack and i couldnt breathe and got dizzy
and my muscles tensed up...i thought it might be bc im
runnning but that would be dehydration and i drank so much
water today, i thought i was going to throw up at the site
of it.So then it dawned on me that those were also what
happens to me when i have a pannick attack.I was bummed out
and the usual ppl tried to cheer me up.they dont know what
theyre talking about but they did.I cut myself a couple of
times on my arm.The usual.Some ppl can be so stupid.Why try
to kill urself when u know u really dont want to or its not
going to work...jus make small slices where u know theyre
there but noone else does.I do think i wwent a lil
overboard this time though.I hope no one notices them.its
al on one arm and i didnt get the blood off good enough.i
will try to scrub it off later.Oh wells my lifes pretty
boring right now.Im suppose to be going to the pool
tomorrow at 12 with paul.What fun..i get to see him flirt
with my sister or atleast stare at her.Im too depressed
right now to have a b/f.Plus im too into eric really.Its
sad bc i will never see him probably ever again but im so
stuck up his butt ( not really heh ).Well i g2g.I think im
going to put in my real diary entry bc i was writing it in
here yesterday but my timer kicked me off so it wasnt
saved.I rewrote it in my real diary.Well im going to hit
the sack and hopefully wake up to realize my life is jus a
nightmare that i can click my heels and at anytime i will
be in my bed happy as can be.My life is perfect there.

~where is home? home is where the heart is, but
what if u dont have a heart? Then i ask
again...where is home?~

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