.:| )emoNAngeL:.
2001-08-30 05:22:30 (UTC)

Well, Here goes...

August 30th according to my watch *Thursday?*

I've been needing one of these for awhile...I will be
absolutely shocked if anyone can actually put what I will
be typing together to be coherent...Well, about myself,
hmm...I don't even know where to begin...I better leave
that for another few years. I'm finally on and my mind
draws a complete blank. I've got so much on my mind, been
up for days on end... working all the while and going out
and trying to lead a somewhat 'normal' life to please my
mother and my best friend so they think there's nothing
wrong. The last thing I need is someone giving me advice I
don't care for. The only person I've ever actually cared
for cares nothing for me...sexual...of course...anything
else? He does not see the real me...or maybe he sees too
much of the 'real' me...? Either way, I am without the only
thing that was ever important in my life. It only lastest a
short while to. Now I've only got taxes and death to worry
about. I will be fine on my own, according to what
is 'normal' in society...Inside, well, I've heard those
folk lore tales of people dying from broken hearts...After
awhile the pain is supposed to stop, is it not? Why does it
keep getting so worse that I am physically ill then? I
think of nothing else these days...I work, sleep and come
online, per-chance that he may be online and in a 'good
mood'. I finally am done highschool, have a job, looking
into college...and I cannot enjoy any of it. I've always
been one whose felt like 'They needed someone'. Of course I
can survive without someone, but the way I am inside...I
need warmth and comfort. Someone to listen to me? Yes, but
more importantly, someone to listen to...How could
something that felt so right be so wrong? Did I change? I
believe not...did he? Yes. Attitude, mental, emotional,
physical even...It all seemed for the good...for the good
of himself. Did I make mistakes? Of course. I'm not
perfect. Was it corrected? Ahh, 'twas not given much of a
chance or time...ohhh well. I grow weary for once in long
time. I will be back prolly very soon with more thoughts.
More depressive, lonely thoughts...