My Life
2001-08-30 00:47:16 (UTC)

Me, Alive and well in america

Two years i've been in America. Gosh, it seems like
yesterday I was still in my country, Indonesia, living an
ordinary high school girl life, with my parents and my
little bro.

Didnt have to think much about anything. All that matters
is that I do well in school, go home, eat and sleep.
My parents arent rich or anything, but I have this big
dream about going to the United States. I signed my self up
in a community college in Pasadena, CA; got the
application, and actually got accepted. I planned the whole
thing, made the budget proposal, and submitted it to my
parents. They were kindda shocked but they were amazed on
the same time of how things went on so smoothly without
interuption. Sending me to america is also their dream.
I'll be the first in the family to go. I'd be the pride of
my family. So they approved.

Then that year, as the political condition in my country
heated up, some people overturned the government, the
chinesse were massacred in some places, the economy went
down, and my parents lost their jobs. They were to start a
new business in Jakarta, the capital city of Indonesia,
with a help from my father's brother, who had just lost his
position in the army because he disagreed with his

Anyway, I thought I could get a job here in America, so
that I wouldnt have to be dependent all the time to my
parents. It turned out that International Students like me,
are not allowed to work since the economy crisis striked.
My dad still insisted that he could support me. Insisting
that i should consentrate on my studies, not money. So
that's what I did.
Need I remind you that the tuition for international
students are 10x the tuition of a residence ($140/unit VS

But then after 2 years of studying, my parents finally
said, "My child, we think we are incapable of financing
your study in America". It strucked me bad.

I love America so bad that I dont want to go back. The fact
that I have been here for 2 yrs, means a lot of money
invesment, and if I go back, I'll be wasting it. There are
lots of cons in my family back in indo about me going here.
They said that it's a waste of money and if i am going
back, that would just prove that they're right. I have to
stay here no matter what and I CANNOT fail!!!

So I said to my parents that I want to stay here, and I'll
figure out a way how to support my self.
I am about to transfer to a calstate uni, which means at
least I need to find a way to create at least $1500/mo to
be able to pay for my international student tuition and
room and board.
DAMNED! It's hard.

I've tried to look for jobs that would hire a person
without a working permit, but havent been able to find one.
I met this lady and work for her for about 2 months to find
that she was using me. She wouldnt pay me as we talked
about before, and the payment was slowly going down and
down, no matter how long I worked for her. I confronted her
about this, and she said, "Well, I'm not rich. You know,
not a lot of people want to hire a person with no working
permit, so consider your self lucky!" I quit the day after.

There's this other man that I went to apply a job as a
receptionist. He said that he could give me a job with
some "conditions". He said I was special, and if I could
move in nearer, we could go to dinner, he'll take care of
me, I'll be his girlfriend, and he kept touching my hand...
bla bla bla... a sexual harrasment. I went out and never
took the job. Hey, I have pride!

Here I am now, jobless and helpless. I dont even know how
to pay for my tuition of $700 for the one class that I am
taking. Damned! I hate the condition I am in. Headaches and
worries never left my head.

I'm waiting for a miracle or a bright new day. Keep on