Ad 0:
2002-12-13 19:37:50 (UTC)


It was just kind of a quick realization, but it hit me
hard. There are a lot of things that I need to change. Just
about how I think, go about things, and how I treat people.
People that try to be here for me, I don't pay any mind to
because I'm constantly trying to have people in my life who
don't deserve to be in it. I was thinking about my age. It
seems like I've been 18 forever. 19 isn't that much of a
change, but it sounds more serious to me. I'm a serious
person when I want to be.....I guess. I feel bad that I've
neglected people. So many people have tried to keep me as
their friend, yet I run from it. There is never any reason
behind it.....I was just constantly trying to keep other
people in my life(Leroy,for example). I can name a lot of
people that I neglected just because I was sooo concerned
about him. Constantly running in behind him. It's not that
he ever asked me to....it was my decision to be that way.
But he also never put closure on anything. I've always
thought of myself as being on top of the game. I've never
really been played by a dude, other than him. I owe my wit
to a lot of people who schooled me. I've come to realize
that there are a lot of things that separate people from
being children from adults. I'm on the line, as I would
like to think. Him......I consider him to still be a child.
I still have my childish ways, no doubt.....but I realize
that. I'm trying to mature. I don't know what he's trying
to do. I'm really not that connected to him to know what's
going on in that boy's head. But I don't play childish
games either! I told him that I wanted to be with him. I
just feel the least he could do is tell me how he feels
about it. Whether it be a positive response or negative.
I've always asked him to be straight up with me, which he
has yet to do. As much as I like to dream that me and him
are meant to be......dreams don't always become reality!
When it comes to that whole situation, I am serious about
it. I don't ask for a nigga to marry me or promise to be
with me forever. I just ask for games not to be played. I
just thought after the years, we should be past that stage.

My frienships with people that have tried to stay down for
me need to be restored. I neglected them so many times. I
have nothing to show for it either. I plan to make them
stronger and let people know that I appreciate them more.
WEll, I gotta run....but I'm turning over a new
leaf....ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!!!