once again
2001-08-29 20:44:41 (UTC)

break-ups and make-ups

I did it and Tony is hurt, but I am relieved. He made me
feel crazy and guilty all the time about stupid crap and
yes when he wasn't a split person I loved being around him
but his mood swings were way too much for me. Anyway he
almost made me pissed at my best friend, but Amica was only
trying to make peace all the way around. Tony is a good
man when he wants to be and he deserves someone good, but
when all day I concentrate on how to create another fight
so we'll break up that's not fair to him. I wish I
couldv't gotten through to him but he didn't listen even
though he begs to differ. But to him I perceive everything
wrong. I do miss talking to him but not recently, like 2
weeks ago when things were okay, but it's been hell dancing
aroung his emotions. I'm glad this package is gone. Shawn
spoke to Jackie today and she says he was crazy inthe way
he was talking. Good crazy that is. She said he rambled
on and on about how he misses me and that I am still his
baby and he will prove it to me one day. I hope things
start being good for me again. Tony made me feel teriibly
bad last night but then I stopped and said to myself that
he always did that in everything I thought. So I need to
remind myself I've done this before and I can stand up fopr
what I feel without having someone tell me I'm wrong for
using my mind to determine my heart.