my so called life
2001-08-29 18:01:42 (UTC)

My life is on hold

Lately I’ve been feeling like my life is on hold.. I’m just
walking around waiting for something to happen. I got
really worked up about this thing with Ben, I actually
thought things would change between us. I actually thought
he was in love with me. And I got really high on that
feeling. You know how it goes..
Your lips are sweet as candy and the taste stays on my
mind. You just keep me thirsty for another cup of wine.
When you hold me in your arms so tight, you let me know
everything’s all right. I’m hooked on a feeling. I’m high
on believing that you’re in love with me.
Well, yeah.. Who could blame me? He’s so cute and he did
act differently. Like when we were watching that movie and
he wanted me to stay over for the night or like the time he
was going over to this friend of his who was going to move
to France, you know to say goodbye. He asked if I wanted
to come. I was like, why would I, I don’t know this guy.
Don’t you get it? he asked. It was an excuse to be with
you. I was like; hehe, no, I didn’t get that one.. – Well,
I’ve gotta be more obvious the next time he replied with
a ;)
And later he wanted to have this contest to check if he
knows me better than I know him. I thought that was kind of
weird, but he’s just sooo cute.
Well, two weeks ago we started talking about what had
happen between us, the kissing and stuff. He was rather
mean actually, and I guess I got hurt. He’s always telling
me not to get upset about the things he says cause he
doesn’t mean them, but I can’t help it. I got all fed up
with him and avoided him the rest of the evening. When I
was going home I just like said goodbye as I passed him. He
grabbed me and gave me a hug and told me to watch out for
rapists. It’s so typical, he’s so hopeless.
But the next day he’s sweet and I just wanna be with him.
I’ve really got to get him out of my mind. I keep trying to
convince myself that he’s not right for me and that I’ve
got to move on. Easier said than done.
I think I’m going to die. I think this disease I’m
suffering from is mortal. I’ve been sick for three weeks
now. I’ve been well for like three days and then I’m sick
again. Haven’t been in school the last two days, I’m bored.

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