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2002-12-12 22:32:36 (UTC)

fevers and mirrors

monday was hell.
mom went absolutly crazy. i almost ran away. ryan offered
me his house to go to. i was so close to leaving. i had my
shoes, hoodie, my messenger bag with a few clothes, hair
brush and tooth brush, and my keys, and i opened the door
but i came back in...i'm not sure why. but i stayed. i cut
that night. on my upper legs. all on the top. the crimson
came back.
last night, i needed to go get some jeans for orchestra
tomorrow. i told my folks that and then they started
fighting about money and how the other one of them takes it
and doesn't pay it back. i started crying so i ran up
stairs. my dad called me back down after about 15 minutes
(after he had noticed i wasn't sitting there on the couch
anymore). i came down and mom kept badgering dad. so they
yell some more and i go into the living room and lay down
on the couch and try not to cry again, but i end up doing
it anyway. then my dad starts looking for me and he finds
me and i tried to hide my face but the pillows on the couch
were suffocating. he saw i was crying and rubbed my back
and said "i'm sorry sweetie." that really touched me. i
thought that neither of them didn't care or even think if
it hurt anyone or whatever.
it's been a shitty week pretty much.
ziggy is moving next friday. i don't want to lose him man.
he's gunna be about an hour away....not close but not too
far at the same time. i'm going to miss him like crazy.
he's the coolest. i think we'll have a party for him this
weekend. i'll give him my number so maybe he'll stay in
orchestra concert tonight....i'm 1st chair a
wish me luck.
i hope i don't trip on the stage and die.

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