Roxie Baby

Many Ideas and Random Thoughts from the
2001-08-29 15:12:15 (UTC)

premature love? or lust??

Food For Thought-part II

Ok for those of you who read my last entry, you remember
that i was talking about relationships and i brought up the
question on when a realtionship should become sexual,etc...
for those of you who didn't read my last entry, read it. i
think i brought up a few good pionts. and please, respond
to anything i say.i want the input. so in lire of my
prvious topic on relationships, here is a question for you..
How does one know if and when he or she is falling in love??

yesterday i was at a fair that the one of the many churches
in my town holds during the summer. and while walking
around with my boyfriend, i saw another guy, Juan (not his
real name). now Juan was in my study hall last year, and
just graduated from H.S. so that is how i know him. except
for the fact that we were talking towards the end of the
school term. so yes i hooked up with him but it didn't get
as far as we wanted it to. because come summer, i left for
vacation for a 10 days and we were both workin trying to
pay off car expenses, etc. so we never really saw eachother
since school ended. the week before i left for the
carribean, we were playing phone tag and i didn't even get
to say "ciao" before i left. just goes to show how much of
a relationship we had.
But in the meantime, i was working as a lifeguard, with
this kid "J" that i know from middle school and out parents
know eachother rather well. we also work for his brother
who is the pool manager. so i basically ended up seeing J
more than i did Juan, based on the fact that i worked with
J almost every day. so we bacame closer and started looking
forward to going to work and being together. and the night
before i left for vacation it was J who came over and was
holding me in the moonlight. It was J who i felt cofortable
with. safe in his arms. It was that i could not stop
thinking about for those 10 days that i was away.

So when i saw Juan at the fair last night, it made me
reaize just how much i want to be with J. So here is the
question... was it premature to tell him that i was falling
in love with him when we were holding eachother in the car
last night when he brought me home? we have been together
for two months and a day. i really don't like to use the
word "love" because i think it is highly misused and most
people don't understand how strong of a feeling it really
is. so for me to tell him that i was falling in love with
him, i don't know if it is the right thing to say at the
moment. i don't for one moment doubt my feelings for him,
and he did say that it was mutual, and i believe him
because even his friends say they havn't seen him the way
he is when he is with me. and now more than ever i am being
cautious with my feelings because i really don't want to
fuck this up.

But how do you know when you are in love? and how do you
know that it is not just lust? i have heard that "you just
know" but what do you have to go through to "just know"?
the only thing i know to do,is to allow time tell.


8-29-01 [email protected]


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