pennylane

punk girl, interrupted
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2002-12-12 16:20:27 (UTC)

December 12th 2002

Hmm..i always seem to start one of these and never keep
to it. I get so bogged down and have no time ever. Maybe I
should do another run-down of me. I am a 17 year old girl,
trapped within the world of many faults..I am
anorexic/bulemic (have been for nearly 6 months), i have
been a cutting/burning self-injurer for over two years, and
have bipolar disorder type 1. My life, tho not the most
exciting story, definately has its extreme ups and downs. I
tend to be closed off..so alot of ppl dont really know me
that well. the only ppl i am open to are steve, cristal and
mike. I guess i should tell you about them as well.
Mike is my 29 year old brother, with whom i live. I have
always had this amazing connection with him..somehow, tho
our family is so messed up weve managed to stick together
and bond in so many unbelievable ways. i cherish everyday
he's in my life.
Cristal and I have been best ..the bestest!..friends for
about5 months. She is alot like me..and we kinda bonded b/c
we are both so messed up. she saves my life over and over
again, and i hers. its great to have someone you can
comepletely believe..that you know loves you with a true
untainted love. one catch, i met her in a cutting chat( a
healthy one) so we havnt met face 2 face yet..but still,
its a budship like no other.
Steve has been in my life for about 8 or 9 months, but we
just became close a couple weeks ago. We almost became
invovled at one point, but he realized that im not the one
for him..its ok though, b/c our friendship means the world
to me..if i picture my life without him now..gosh, it seems
like theres this huge void in my heart.
so im pretty lucky..as hard as things get i have 3 main
ppl to pull me thru.
My most current sturggles have to do with my eating ahbits..my
disorders..I am 5'3" and 127 lbs. My goal weight is 100 lbs..at least
by the March break. i limit my calorie intake to 300 a day and either
workout at night or do tons of crunches and pushups.


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