"Leben ist ein Weibchen."
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2002-12-12 12:06:04 (UTC)

Dec. 11th...and i'm horrible

Hey all. Well I can't believe what I did today. I'll
tell you what happend first before the horrifying display
of the child in me. Well, after I got back from Brandy's
house, I hung out with an old friend, Amber. We went
cruzing around for a while, and I didn't feel very good
from all the spinning out's and fast breaks. Oh well
though, I was fine.
We went back to her house after picking up her 2 yr old
brother, Niko, and we hung out for a while. We went down to
the park and her sister went and got Josh R. for her. He
was homecomming king, and 'dream date of the year'. I don't
know what to think of him though, so I kept my distance,
and I played with Niko while they chatted.
After I got home, Brick called, and he came over.
*Sighs* I feel horrible for what I did after this. I
fucking freaked out hom because he took my diary thing, and
read it against my will.I got pissed, and I thought he got
pissed because of what it said. I got even more pissed, and
since he didn't say anything, he went downstairs to check
something out in his car, and I thought he was leaving
without saying goodbye, and i got even more pissed and
started to throw big shit at him... *argh* I FEEL LIKE SHIT
I told him I was sorry and that I was just being
immature about it and whatnot, but i still feel HORRIBLE!
*sighs* I guess I'll get him a rose and say I'm sorry
again, and hopefully that might make me feel a little bit
better. I will never ever ever do that again to anyone,
ever again. I just got frustrated and I didn't know what to
do. He accepted my apology and he didn't owe me one, at
all, he didn't do a damn thing wrong. I just hope he never
holds that freak accident against me for long. I would
really feel like ass for quite some time.
I was snippy at Brandy because I was so angry at
myself, and she understood, so that was good. I'm so glad
she understands where I'm comming from. I even told my dad
to fuck off because he told me to quit throwing shit. I
apologized for like 10 minutes and i hugged him and kissed
him on the cheek a bunch of times. He understood too, and
that's why he didn't snap at me when I said that. He even
helped make me a sandwhich because I was hungry. I felt so
good after that. Brick was the one who reminded me to say
that I was sorry to him, because I didn't even pay
attention to what I was saying, I had a million thoughts
running through my head. Thank God for Brick, and my dad
for being patient with me and understanding. I swear on my
life I will never do that again. Ever. I still hope that
Brick will move with me, I know he won't, but I can still
wish. That would make me sooooo happy, you have no idea, I
don't want to leave him at all. I love him way too much to
just drop him like that. *argh* I love him. He loves me
too, a lot, considering he was so understanding and
forgiving about it. Thank you God.
Well, me and Brandy went to the coffee shop after that,
and we listened to our friend, Chris, blow us all away
while he was playing the piano. He is a piano God. It
relaxed me a lot. We also met this other guy, Paul, who we
had an intelligent conversation with, and he is also a very
nice guy. He's a beuatiful man, and he's graduating from
college tomorrow. I really wish the best for him. He
deserves it. Brick deserves the best too.
We hung out at Villliage Inn afterwards, *what a
surprise*. I don't know. I'm glad that I have Brick and
Brandy in my life, they are the loves of my life right now,
and have been for quite some time. God blessed me with
them, and I don't take them for granted, at all. I know
where I'd be without them, and I don't like it.
Well kiddo's..have a good night.