Lab Rat

Shining In The Shadows
2002-12-12 01:40:24 (UTC)

Introduction

Good Evening. My name is matt. Let me first get one thing
straight, I hate these open diary pages. I feel many
people misuse these pages to write crap thats not evenly
remotely cose to how they feel to get attention or sympathy
or whatever satisfaction they get out of it. This diary is
for people I DO NOT know and their opinions. The reasoning
behind all this hipocracy is that if you don't know me, you
can give me unbiased opinions. So i never see you to have
anybody pestering me about any issues or topics i write
about. I'm not sure if this is making sense so i will keep
rambling. If anybody wants to leave a message feel free,
its not that that bothers me about these web sites. its
when all your friends read your diray and then pester you
for weeks about it because you might have called them a
fucking idiot in your diary. thats why i want this to
remain anonymous. Enough said. That was just me bitching
and moaning about nothing.

Ok time for my first entry. today is December 11. A girl
I like told me she wanted to be my girlfriend. The problem
is i don't want a girlfriend now. I am going to college in
a year and there are so many other complications that even
though I like this girl a lot, it just wouldnt work.
Besides the fact that i don't think she knows me at all.
She thinks I am the happy-go-lucky actor most people think
i am. When actually I am on so much medication for a
combination of Bi-polar, ADHD, and a sleep disorder that it
truly distorts others perception of myself. Now i am not
going to sit here and whine about "Poor me, my life is
terrible" because thats not the case. I enjoy life most of
the time and am happy, but occassionally i get a little
down and think a little too much. thats why i ended up
here. most of the time i write it will be about my
problems i have. do not assume just because i write about
problems all the time problems is all i have. its just
that when i am happy i am usually doing something else and
am to occupied to write in this diary. that being said,
back to the topic of this girl. I like her a lot and still
want to be her friend to the full extent, and i don't want
her feeling that it is her fault i won't go out with her.
its just me and the whole entire fact that i hate high-
school relationships, because of all the false "Love" that
goes on. I am sceptical about love anywhere let alone in a
highschool setting. In my mind its all lust. Ok that
should do for today i need a drink and a game of snood.




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