All of a sudden I'm in this mood
What the fuck is wrong with me. SERIOUSLY. What the
fuck is wrong with me? HOW COME NO GIRL NO
MATTER WHAT THE FUCK I DO IS NEVER FUCKING
INTERESTED IN ME. The only person that *WAS*
interested in me was fucking April. I liked April a
fucking lot. I fucking LOVE April. yah, fucking LOVE. I
was afraid to go to her house because I KNEW
something was going to happen. She knew it too. She
ALWAYS wanted me to go to her house. We could
watch "Pearl Harbor" she'd say and then she'd say, but
we won't be watching that for too long..... Yah, it's true, I
prolly coulda gotten a whole lot of sexual shit from April,
but ya know what. I FUCKING RESPECTED HER. I
didn't want to use her as a fucking toy. I liked her for
who she fucking was. Not because I coulda gotten a
piece of her ass. EVERYONE at that god damn school
told me on a fucking basis that if I wanted to I coulda
fucked April or coulda gotten sexual favors from her and
what not. But I didn't want that shit, I loved April for April,
not for all that stupid sex shit. Theres more to people
then good looks and fucking personalities. Something
was there. I had something with April that I have with
no one else. Cause she loved me and I liked her loved
her. NO ONE EVER has EVER made me feel the way
she has for as long as she did. I'd do ABSOLUTELY
ANYTHING to go back to the day that I fucking tore her
heart up and to just knock my fucking self out.
(Chances are she woulda prolly beat the shit outta
future me though).
I would give my life to just be happy. Happy......... A word
that is hard to find in my dictionary....
hap·py ( P ) Pronunciation Key (hp)
adj. hap·pi·er, hap·pi·est
1. Characterized by good luck; fortunate.
2. Enjoying, showing, or marked by pleasure,
satisfaction, or joy.
3. Being especially well-adapted; felicitous: a happy
turn of phrase.
4. Cheerful; willing: happy to help.
a. Characterized by a spontaneous or obsessive
inclination to use something. Often used in
b. Enthusiastic about or involved with to a
disproportionate degree. Often used in combination:
How come everyone around me seems to have atleast
ONE person that likes them........ then theres me.......
the outcast.......... that of which no one likes....
out·cast ( P ) Pronunciation Key (outkst)
One that has been excluded from a society or system.
That pretty much sums me up. 99.99999999999% of
the time I am feeling like shit and just want to fall into
an endless slumber...... but that .0000000000001% is
when I'm spending time w/ Angela and Stephanie and I
feel as if I can do anything or be anyone........ then it all
crumbles..... shatters..... and breaks....... and my
hapiness falls underneth darkness........... and then.......
life sucks again...............
I WANT ONE THIS AND ONLY ONE THING BEFORE I
DIE... EVERYTHING ELSE DOES NOT MATTER,
MONEY, FAME, FORTURE, NOTHING MATTERS
(except The Minutes). ALL I WANT IS TO SEE APRIL
AGAIN. I SWEAR TO GOD IF I COULD JUST SEE HER
ID BE THE HAPPIESS MAN ALIVE.................. but she's
gone............ gone............ gone.................