Sarahbellum

The meanderings of a mind
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2002-12-11 19:25:00 (UTC)

Hatred

I miss writing so much. I am trying to catch up on my hard
diary. I'll sell it for a million dollars. Call it
secrets and lies. We all keep secrets from ourselves. Lie
to ourselves. I'm a pro. It's how I keep breathing. I
haven't been writing much there either though. Scared to
be honest with myself. Scared someone would look at it and
know who I am and hate what I want to be. I'm still
messy. I found my shoes. I did a Spanish presentation
today. I like my teacher. I wish he gave me A's just for
looking pretty though. He's a tough grader but an easy
teacher. We bought him a present as a bribe. And I made
cookies. I thought they were yucky but he said they were
good. Lots of people said they were good. People wanted
some even after they were gone. I didn't have room to take
all the ones I made to class so they are sitting on my
bookshelf where books should be. Books are on the floor
though. I am organized. I don't want to eat the cookies
that i think are bad and others say are tasty. I could
crumble them in my roommates bed. Her boyfriend would like
her sheets. This brings me to my topic. I did have a goal
in mind. My friends probably go crazy when I start whining
and complaining about the things I hate. If i write on
here more maybe I'll get them out and can talk about naked
people and trees with my friends. Not who I hate. I hate
that I feel like I can't go to my room. I am only happy
when I'm alone or if people come over to see me. I hate
opening the door and HE is sitting there. At her desk. He
breathes too loud. Everything is too loud. My tv. He
can't watch it. My milk he can't pour on her cereal. My
air he can't breathe. I know it is his bad vibes that are
killing my lucky bamboo. Bambie is all I got and she's
turning yello. Unlucky bamboo. I like the silent times
when i can actually do homework. When they are here
together fighting and whispering I pretend to sleep.
Laying in my bed for hours fighting the urge to do all that
i have to do. It kills me. I hate seeing his face. And
when I talk to her I want to snarl. How could she be so
thoughtless? He has a room too. She always leaves him
here when she visits her friends. I have to visit mine to
get away. Maybe I shouldn't have a roommate next year.
The cave thing is a good plan. I am hungry. There is no
food. There is no money to buy food. My candy jar is
sadly depleted. I don't guess I need more candy. Maybe
I'll eventually get some carrots. chocolate covered
carrots. Mmmmm. I'm not so hungry after all. My head
hurts. My heart aches. Someone write my papers for me?
It was good to write. Good to breathe without him in the
room.


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