Kenton Cohick

Insolent thoughts
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2002-12-11 07:16:51 (UTC)

Something came to me today

I've been full of interesting revelations about myself
lately. They seem to be making me both miserable and wise,
and I'm not sure whether that's good or bad. The most
recent revelation, and one of the more minor ones, involves
my writing.

It struck me that I have never, ever been satisfied with
something I wrote. From essays to posts on message boards,
I constantly shudder when I think that other people are
actually reading them. I got 100% on my English essay the
other day, and my teacher read it to the class (name
withheld, naturally), and I still hated it. I had to put my
head down and cover my ears with my arms so I didn't have
to listen to it. At the beginning of every thing I write
for fun, I start off with a great outlook, thinking that
I'm going to finish some sort of masterpiece, but I always
end up giving up and going to sleep. The next day I'm never
in the mood to continue whatever it was I was in the mood
for writing about the previous day. I think this may be
some form of low self-esteem, but it's strange because my
confidence is fine in all other areas.

On to the next order: Every time I smoke pot, my grades get
better. I know this sounds stupid and like a lie, but I
swear on everything that it's true. I'm getting the best
marks of my life right now. I'm not saying that it's
because of the shibby that I'm getting smarter, but that
I'm definitely not getting dumber.

I don't know if any of this made any sense, but I don't
have spare tomorrow morning and I have to get up an hour
and a half early, so I'm hitting the hay.

That means I'm going to bed, so stop reading.

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