PrincessOfDarkness15

My messed up life
2002-12-11 05:57:30 (UTC)

My messed up thoughts and my wonderful baby

I am having loads of messed up thoughts right now..I am
suicidal with plans but doubt i will carry them out..I want
to cut too, I highly think i'll do that much...If i don't i
will be miserable all night into tomorrow and i don't want
that...I am also angry and agravated, Went to NYC today
with school and the teachers did nothing but annoy me...One
teacher kept pushing me and its like lady where the fuck do
you want me to go? So yea that annoyed me, and some other
things are annoying me, but other than that i don't know
why i am angry...I am sitting here like this and my
therapist appointment isn't till thursday...
But other than all that shit, I have a wonderful
boyfriend...He's a sweetheart, his name is eric, i choose
to call him babe or baby...he lives in NYC and if i had my
way today i woulda separated from my school and went to his
house...I really hope he comes and visits me soon...I
really can't stand being without him...He knows how to make
me happy on a down day, he knows how to make me smile and
he is a gentleman....He only does things i'm ok with and
he's been there for me through thick and thin...I really
love him, so much...He might just be the only person i
love..yea, i like people, some more than others, but there
is no one that i can say i truly love except for
him...Babe, if you read this, i love you lots....My job has
gone from not having me scheduled to scheduling me and now
they are having me work tomorrow...But i don't want to,
honestly...i'd rather stay home and talk to my baby...but i
need the money, i haven't even done my christmas shopping
yet...I just don't know what to do with myself tonight..

"she sits in her room wondering what she should do, should
she risk her streek of no SI just because she wants to die?
or should she live it out and let it run, and be miserable
all night long?"

Love,
Manda




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