LovingYou4Ever33

Tina
2002-12-11 04:37:59 (UTC)

Im back same day...got bored need to talk

hey, ive been thinkin bout shit n i need to get it off my
mind...i really miss steve...i broke up with him 2 months
ago, why does it still work. i mean this is how i know its
different with him usually after two months i move on to
another guy. i honestly dont even know why i love him so
much. i guess true love can never be explained... i dont
know why but it hurts so bad when i am with him, it makes
me think about all the times we were together,i mean how
good it was. Why did i give somehting like that up? Is it
because i was scared, or was i just stupid. It hurts to
talk to him, but i cant stop talking to him. When we are
together i want so bad to hold his hand n hug him every 5
seconds like it used to be just move in for a kiss every
once in a while, it cant be like that though. i cant
understand this whole thing. i try to talk to my mom about
it but it sucks cuz she duznt care, she has her own
problems to deal with. i talk to all my friends about it n
they tell me not to give up. im not going to, i dont think
i could even if i wanted to. if he only knew exactly how i
feel. if i could only tell him. ive tried but everytime i
look at him to say the words i choke on them...i swallow
the words n say sumthin stupid like "WHATS CRACKIN?!" just
cuz i know ill start crying and i really dont want to cry
in front of him. When we flirt...i wish so badly that it
wasnt just flirting. it means so much to me, u kno. and
when i hear that he still cares about me n likes me n all
that...it makes me hope, it makes me dream, it makes me
hold on so tightly. But what if im holding onto nothing?
What if i eventually lose my grip? theres still hope...i
know there is...but i cant be hoping n dreaming for the
rest of my life. i cant be wanting and wishing for him
forever...i cant just stand right in front of him and
pretend im not thinking about what we went through. i cant
talk to him and pretend that im not hurting inside. im so
sorry for everything that happened. i wish i could go back
and change everything. If i could go back to what we had i
wouldnt change anything except it woulda never ended...i
mean it ended right when it was getting good too...i was so
scared of my feelings. i had so many feelings going through
my head i couldn handle it anymore...and my feelings for
him were so strong. i cant belive i did that i was so
stupid and from the song "Eyes Closed So Tight" byVi3
theres a part that goes "why do we fall in love when love
will only tear us apart" i really can relate...wow it felt
good to get that out...imma go now tho bye




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