Jaded

So this is life...
2002-12-11 04:02:44 (UTC)

rough day...

this is just going to be so eloquent and I'm not really in
the mood to care.
today has just been plain shitty. full of flashbacks and
fear and anxiety on top of being sick and miserable. i
hate days like today.
i'm so fucking tired of being intimidated by people. i'm
tired of jumping everytime someone lets a door slam. i'm
tired of being afraid of anyone who is the least bit
aggressive like i'm some little baby incapable of
protecting myself. i'm tired of being so easily
forgotten. i'm tired of being hurt. i'm tired of people
promising me they aren't going anywhere then fucking
leaving. just don't even say it dammit...just go cause i
expect it anyway so don't lie to me and tell me you're my
friend and you love me and you'll always be my
friend...BULL SHIT! fucking pisses me off. i'm tired of
worrying about people who don't give a damn about me. why
do i even bother?? cause i'm stupid that's why. i care
about people when i know better. i miss Mandy. she'll be
gone 3 months sunday...that's so not fair. i miss her
bad. i'm angry that she lost this time. she fought so
hard dammit...she deserved better. i'm depressed as hell
from lack of sleep and all this fucking physical pain that
i get to live with for the rest of my pathetic life. and
i'm mad at myself for being depressed. i'm so weak. i
didn't use to be this weak. life is wearing me down. be
glad when it's finally over. i'm tired of my boss riding my
ass about nothing. i had everything done and her shitty
passive-aggressive style just drives me crazy. i don't
need a fucking baby sitter. i work my ass off. don't
treat me like a liar when i tell you everything's taken
care of. if you don't have anymore confidence in me than
that fire my ass...fire me or back the fuck off.

blah! hate days like today.




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