beet

I bet all diaries start really well....

But diaries probably finish up lamely, when the person who
was writing them gets their life together and no longer
needs the interest and approval/disapproval of others. So
this beginning had better be good, otherwise... I don't
know. Annnnyyyway. So, I'm 23 and a bloke. There we go,
all the info you need for the moment, I'll fill you in
later on other stuff.

Sooooo I'm due to leave the city I've made all my friends
in to go for a job and responsibility and a future and all
that shit. My girlfriend will move to a nearish town (2
1/2 hours away), but I'm not sure if it's going to work
out. I'm not sure if that's good or bad, I think I'll have
to figure that out at some point.

Excuse me I've just been looking at other peoples diaries,
it almost put me off writing anything. Every one has
already said it, I'm so ordinary that even my thoughts
about ordinarynous being so bad is old hat. Sheesh.

So, leaving then. I had a big party the other day and some
people I really like came, and some wankers came too.
Still, it made me look popular. Not that I really worry
about being popular, people like me. Sometimes people like
me too much. My friend's girlfriend for example who is
throwing herself at me. And who I snogged because it
seemed like a bad idea at the time but it can be
flattering, nice, exciting to do something like that. Now
the official line for her and her boyfriend is that
snogging other people is fine, they both do it. The
official line from my girlfriend is that if she finds out
then she'll dump me. Which would be bad because it would
be my fault and she would feel bad. Oh and I would miss
her I guess.

All this sounds really negative for my poor long suffering
girlfriend. I get off with other people then don't have
the decency to feel strongly about anything. She's really
great, special and different. Some-one whose mind I
haven't totally figured out yet. Being able to figure out
what people want isn't so good as it seems. I feel
compelled to act in a way which will make them feel
better/happier/think better of me. This means that they
think I'm great. I get bored of them because I find them
dull, easy to predict and mundane.

Why do I still want to get off with/shag some-one I
shouldn't, even though I really don't want to go out with
her? Especially as there is nothing wrong with my
girlfriend, and a lot right.

This is getting long. I'll write again some other time.